That Morning Had Been Special
by HBCarolyn
Summary: New chapter posted as the end.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The characters belong to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT. **

That Morning Had Been Special

That morning had been special. It was special in that we were together, our bodies rocking as they always did, but special in the respect that it was _us. _Otherwise it was an ordinary morning. After making love we cuddled, her head on my shoulder. We never got enough of touching each other, wanting to feel the other's body. We were like that even when we were friends. Now that we were lovers the need for each other was tense, fierce. We were insatiable.

The events of that morning changed everything. What brought me to her cost me her love. I am only half the woman I was before. I cannot be healed. I will never feel this way again.

I look into the mirror, see the new me, the haggard face, black circles underneath my eyes that speak volumes about all the missed sleep. My hair is limp, coarse. I rarely eat anything. I see no one.

She's gone, out of my life. She doesn't want to see me anymore. Her home has sold; the new owners are set to move in this weekend. I cannot make myself drive over there anymore yet I can't stand to stay away. Even though I know she's gone.

The door opens and the bailiff stands there. "Let's go, Rizzoli." I follow her out of the restroom and into the courtroom via the back door. It's my sentencing day. I don't care one way or another, really. Maura is gone and I can't get her back. What happens to me now is inconsequential.

"All rise," the bailiff announced. We stood then sat as the judge took her seat. She glanced over at me briefly.

"Will the defendant please stand," the bailiff announced. I stood, my attorney with me. He put his arm around my back but I didn't need him.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli you are sentenced to one year three months in the state prison. Due to the nature of your crime time off for good behavior will not be allowed." The gavel came down. The bailiff and another officer approached; I held out my wrists. A scream came from the gallery. That would be Ma. I turned slightly, just enough to catch her eye. Ma was crying so hard she couldn't speak. Frankie tried to hold her but she was as fussy as a newborn.

"No, this is wrong, this can't be happening," Ma's voice continued behind me as I was led from the courtroom.

My cell is decent, I don't have a roommate. I read the newspaper in the morning after breakfast then head out into the exercise yard. After my hour is up I'm escorted back to my cell. The kid who runs the library cart leaves books in my bunk while I'm exercising. The newest one he has me reading is "Ninety nine years to life." It's an old book about the Loeb/Leopold case. As a former detective it's riveting reading. These two guys murdered a boy because they were curious about what it would be like to die. I could have told them people die everyday without the coroner being called. They still exist; still work but inside they're dead. Like me.

Ma comes to visit me the first Sunday I'm here. She doesn't look any better than she did in the courtroom. I'd like to tell her I'm sorry for putting her through this but I can't. I'm not sorry, the reason I was convicted was due to circumstances I couldn't help. I'd do everything all over again, the same way. I knew what could happen. It did. I'm here paying my debt to society.

Ma tells me Frankie is leaving the Boston PD. He's catching a lot of flak at work for having a sister locked up behind bars. It doesn't help him to have me here, especially since I was one of the top homicide detectives Boston ever had. I think a lot of people who hated me at work and couldn't get the best of me are going after Frankie. I tell Ma to tell him to man up; he's a good cop and shouldn't leave the force because of me.

My days take on a sameness that is typical of a prison stay. Monday through Friday everyone works their prison job then returns to their cell after dinner. Weekends are a little worse as in we don't work our jobs except for the kitchen help and sometimes we can't help remembering what we used to do on the weekends. Errands, housework, dinners and movies with friends and lovers, making love on the sofa because you can't quite make it to the bedroom, or taking her on the kitchen counter because you said you'd teach her to make gnocchi.

I don't wonder about Maura anymore, I don't have the right. When I shot her father, Paddy Doyle, I shot all of Maura's hopes and expectations for finding her biological mother. I didn't understand until the one night she granted me a chance to ask questions.

"You don't understand, Jane, when you shot and killed Paddy Doyle you shot my hopes for finding my birth mother. Now I'll never know who I really am, who she was and why she loved him. I will never be able to feel like I belong." Maura practically screamed at me.

I was stunned. "But my family adopted you, Maura, they love you. If anything ever happened to me they'd be there for you. Sometimes I think Ma loves you as a daughter more than me."

"No, Jane, your family isn't mine. Yes, I love them, but I don't belong to them."

It took me awhile to really understand this concept Maura had of wanting to belong to someone. I thought we had it all. She belonged to me and I belonged to her. We were a couple. But as we remained separated and not speaking to each other I finally understood her need to belong. I no longer belonged to her. Maura was raised as an outsider and now she'd never now that feeling of belonging to a family.

Twenty-six Sundays passed and Ma visited as usual. She learned what she could bring me and what she could not. If she could have found a way to pass her gnocchi through the glass wall that separated us she would have. I learned all the usual gossip from the neighborhood (Carla Talucci's colitis was back and Ma didn't have anymore of her Polynesian juice to sell her). Frankie was dating a new girl but Ma didn't particularly care for her. I smiled at this because I knew the girl hadn't been born yet that Ma thought worthy of her Frankie. When she wound down I asked her about Frost and Korsak. Ma avoided my eyes.

"What is it, Ma?"

"Korsak retired when your case came to trial. He said his testimony against you was enough to end his career. Frost transferred out. I think someone said he's living in San Francisco."

"So none of us are there anymore."

"True. I quit my job at the café of course because I couldn't stand listening to the comments Crowe made about you."

"Good old Crowe still mouthing off, I see."

Ma's voice trailed off. She seemed nervous. I looked at the clock. We had about twenty minutes left before Ma's visit ended for the week.

"Ma, what is it? You're scaring me."  
Ma moved her hands over a folded piece of paper. "I wasn't sure if I should mention this or not, Jane."

"What is it?" I asked but somehow I knew.

"You have news of Maura?" I asked.

"She sent me a letter. Do you want me to read it to you?"

"Sure." Ma opened the letter. She hesitated a moment then looked at me before reading. "Are you sure?"

"Ma come on, don't leave me in suspense for a week."

_Dear Angela,_

_ I wish I could say what is truly in my heart. I know I left quickly and you probably had some questions for me but I couldn't stand to stay in Boston for one more moment. When Jane did what she did, she broke my heart. It's in a million little pieces Angela and I can't put it back together._

_ What I want to say to you is: thank you. Thank you for bringing me into your family and accepting me unconditionally. Given how I was raised I never felt the love of a family until I met the Rizzoli's. Now I know what that love feels like and I'll cherish it forever._

_ I won't be back to Boston anytime soon, Angela, in fact I don't expect to ever be in Boston again. I know Jane has been convicted and sent to prison for hiding my identity from her superiors and I am truly sorry for that. Jane is an excellent detective, one of the best Boston will ever see. She doesn't deserve to be punished._

_ Please tell Jane I wish her all the best. Please do not tell Jane where I am because I do not want to see her. When she's released from prison, keep her in Boston. There is nothing for her here with me._

_ I love you as a mother, Angela, as the only true mother I will ever know._

_ Love, Maura_

Ma folded the paper over and slipped it into her purse. I had no words. I was glad Maura wrote to Ma so Ma could get some answers.

"Where is she, Ma?" I asked. Ma raised her eyebrows at me.

"So I'll know what city to avoid."

"San Francisco."

"Isn't that where Frost is?" I asked, surprised. Ma nodded.

"Frost said Maura got him the job at SFPD."

"Good."

"Time's up, Jane, I have to leave. I love you." I nodded and rose to return to my cell.

Three weeks later Frankie came to tell me Ma was really sick. She caught a cold and it went into pneumonia. He rushed her to the hospital late one night but she only got worse. Two days later she died. My grief intensified. Ma was gone. I felt truly alone.

I retreated into my thoughts. It wasn't difficult. I remembered all the Sunday dinners at Ma's home, made all the more special when Maura joined us. At first we were just friends, two women thrown together by the rigors of being a homicide detective and a chief medical examiner in a world almost exclusively male. I suspected I had feelings for Maura that went deeper than friendship when we went undercover at a lesbian bar but I never once believed Maura could have feelings for me. Why would I? She is a beautiful woman with money who could have her pick from anyone. The fact she chose me left me surprised and speechless for days.

Our first date came right after the case was closed. I arrested the wife and bartender for murder and accessory to murder and we went out to celebrate. Or that was how it was supposed to be. Most celebrations were at the Dirty Robber with all of our team but this turned out to be special.

I'd gone downstairs to the morgue to check on Maura. It was a paperwork kind of day. Maura needed to close out her files to send to the DA as the forensic evidence usually helped convict murderers more often than any other physical evidence.

I never confided to anyone that my heart fluttered when I went downstairs to see Maura. Not wanting to set myself up for bad news I downplayed my feelings as much as possible. I feared the day Maura would meet "the one" and get married. "The one" that would not be me.

She looked up and smiled at me as I walked through the morgue doors. That smile did me in every time. My heart raced a little more and I wondered if my face might not give away my feelings. And the way she said my name. Jane. It sounded plain to anyone else but not to my ears when Maura uttered it.

"Jane, I was about to call you. Shall we go out tonight and celebrate?"

"Sure, Maura. I'll mention it to Frost and Korsak, see if they want to join us at the Robber." Maura hesitated a moment. She gestured for me to follow her into her office. I sat on her sofa and watched her close the door. Uh oh, I remember thinking. Is she going to tell me she's met someone at one of her fancy charity galas?

Maura joined me on the sofa. She sat very close, probably closer than most friends but I didn't mind. We were always "handsy" with each other.

"No, Jane, I didn't say that correctly. May I take you out to dinner to celebrate closing the case?" Maura said. I studied her face.

"Sure, Maura, thank you."

"Dress up please. That green sheath you have in the back of your closet is perfect for tonight."

"Are we celebrating something other than the case, Maura?" I asked carefully. I practically held my breath.

"I've been wanting to say something to you for a long time now. I think we should start dating."

"Who?" I blurted out. Maura laughed. Her laugh, whether an all-out 'bellybuster' or just a chuckle sounded like fine champagne glasses being clinked together in a toast.

"Each other, Jane. I find that I've fallen in love with you and I want us to date."

Yep I was speechless. I watched Maura's face. My thoughts were colliding in my mind. Finally! I wanted to stand up and scream. But I also immediately thought of Frost, Frankie, Ma and Korsak and their reaction to our news. I looked down at Maura's hand on my leg. I reached down and put my hand over hers, squeezing lightly.

"I'd like that," I whispered. Maura leaned over and kissed me on the lips. They were velvet, hundred dollar glasses of champagne and cashmere soft against mine. I leaned into her and returned the kiss. As we broke apart Maura graced me with another smile.

"I'll pick you up at seven, Jane." I must have stood up and walked back to the elevator because a few minutes later I found myself sitting at my desk. It all looked foreign to me. Maura loves me, reverberated through my mind.

Our dinner that evening was fantastic. I fretted that our new relationship might make things awkward between us but it wasn't so. Maura rang the doorbell at two minutes before seven. I opened the door, completely ready to go for once. She gave me the once over and proclaimed me to be the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen.

"Have you looked in a mirror recently?" I managed to say and that broke the ice. We both laughed as we walked to Maura's car.

Eventually, a couple of weeks later, we got around to having the discussion about how open to be with our friends and family, how to tell them, and what we wanted to do if their reaction to our new status wasn't to their liking. Everyone was okay with this, even Ma. I feared her Catholic upbringing and faith the most, fearing I'd get the "you'll burn in hell" speech. Instead Ma surprised us by acting like it was the most natural thing in the world.

When I came down to earth I asked her why she was so accepting. It was one of our Sunday family dinners. On the surface nothing changed. We were all present, of course, except for my dad since the divorce. Ma was tying on her apron. The marinara sauce was simmering on the back of the stove and she was about to boil the pasta. Ma gave me one of her "you're impossible, Jane" looks.

"You two have been dating for the last couple of years, Jane. It took until now for you to figure that out. Maura's a great girl and I get a doctor, too. Just don't forget I want grandchildren."

That particular memory cost me a couple of hours of tears. Ma was gone, she didn't get grandchildren.

Our relationship hadn't been too physical up till then save for evenings when we went to sleep with our arms entwined around each other or the times we spent doing everything but. I was nervous. Never having been with a woman I feared not being able to please Maura and have her dump me for some fantastic lover, male or female. I should have known better. Maura had been with a few women in the past and took the lead.

I knew the evening it was going to happen. All day long we'd been more touchy-feely with each other than before if that were possible. Secret smiles, little touches, grabbing asses, and a scorching kiss Maura gave me in her office after lunch.

She took me to dinner, once again in dresses and heels, but an undercurrent of excitement and expectation was with us. We made it through half a bottle of wine and an appetizer before Maura suddenly called the waiter over and paid the check. She handed him a hundred dollar bill for what was a sixty dollar ticket at that point, grabbed my hand and led me out of the restaurant.

We held hands all the way back to her house. We didn't speak. The tension was thick. Parking in her driveway Maura turned off the engine, raised our clasped hands to her mouth and kissed the back of my hand, scars and all.

We barely made it inside before the clothes came off. I thought for a minute I was going to make love to Maura while pressed up against the back of her door but she stopped, leaned in for a soul-searing kiss and led me to the bedroom.

"I want us to take our time, Jane. I love you and want you to know how much you mean to me," Maura whispered.

She made love to me like no one ever had. When she entered me I was more than ready. We spent the night exploring each other's bodies, each of us wanting to please our lover.

Maura's taking charge in the bedroom both thrilled and surprised me. I always thought I'd be the guy, the one who plans the dates, picks up the dry cleaning, pulls out the chair and opens the car door. Maura did all that for me, and more. Which is why it was all the more understandable how her heart broke when she felt I betrayed her by shooting her biological father. I had a clean shot, he shot a federal officer and I feared for Maura's and Frost's safety. What Maura saw and understood instantly was that I hesitated for a small second before returning Doyle's fire. In that split second I saw him as an Irish mob boss responsible for multiple murders over the years and not as Paddy Doyle, Maura Isles' biological father who sacrificed his wife and his daughter to keep Maura safe. This played out in Maura's mind on a regular basis and she thought I understood her feelings and would help protect Paddy, or at least make sure he was safe in detention. Instead I shot him. He suffered a heart attack when he fell from the catwalk and died before the paramedics arrived.

Frankie came to see me the day Ma was buried. He found Maura's letter in Ma's purse and dropped it off at the prison for me. I didn't know why I cherished it so much. Was it because Ma finally had some closure from Maura, or because Maura wrote it to begin with? I looked down at the paper, instantly recognizing the beautiful cursive writing Maura practiced. On a whim I pulled out a single sheet of paper and uncapped my pen.

_Dear Maura, _

_ I don't know if you'll open this letter since you'll know it's from me but I want to apologize to you for my actions. I mean, really apologize. I get it, Maura, I do. It took a lot of introspection but I know now what you meant. Despite loving each other and being adopted by my family you want to know who you really are: biologically, socially, psychologically. I killed that when Paddy died. He died at my hand because I thought Frost and I were in danger of being killed in that warehouse._

_ I should never let you be a target, Maura. That's another part of my apology to you. I can't express how scared I was when you went into that warehouse and I still wonder if I wasn't "trigger happy" because of my fear. My actions are my own and I am paying for them now. _

_ The day you left Boston you took my heart with you. I'm shattered Maura, and not only because Ma died. I don't know if Frankie contacted you or Frost but Ma got sick and died. I was not allowed to attend her funeral, another thing I am angry at myself for, but I'll get over it. Ma knew I loved her; more importantly she understood why I kept silent when we were pressed by IA for Paddy's connection to the warehouse fire. I never said he was there for you. I couldn't._

_ You are my life Maura and always will be. I will honor your wish to be left alone after this letter. I will never chase after you or try to find you when I'm out, Maura._

_ Love, Jane_

I addressed the envelope and put it out for the guard to take and mail. I did it before I rethought my decision and pulled the letter back. I didn't expect to receive a reply from Maura.

Another con moved into the cell next to me and because of the placement of windows and vents we were able to talk. She asked me my name and I said simply, "Jane."

"I'm Suzanne. What are you in for?"

I hesitated to answer. As a former cop the guards are supposed to protect me, that's the reason I'm in a cell by myself, but we all know how often the guards look the other way when a fight breaks out.

"I protected a friend of mine after an investigation." No response for a few moments.

"You a cop?" Suzanne barked out the question.

"Former. I'll be bagging groceries or asking if you want fries with that when I'm released."

"Were you a dirty cop, Jane?"

"No, I was never on the take but a friend of mine turned out to be related to a former mob boss and I protected her identity when the mob boss turned up uninvited to a warehouse stakeout. Why are you here Suzanne?"

Now I hear laughter coming from her cell. "I was a girlfriend to a former and now deceased mob boss. Are you Jane Rizzoli?"

"Yeah. Who's girlfriend were you?" I asked.

"Paddy Doyle."

"I killed him, Suzanne. Are you sure you want to talk to me?"

"Look, Jane, Paddy got himself killed. He was nuts about his daughter and wanted to protect her every chance he got." She was silent for awhile.

"I'm sorry you're here."

"Me too."

"If you don't mind my asking, how was it that protecting Doyle's daughter put you in prison?"

"Maura was our chief medical examiner and not speaking up about her identity caused a lot of cases against his henchmen and others connected to the mob to be overturned. A lot of bad guys ended up on the streets and IA was after my butt when they found out who Maura was, and how long I'd known her."

"Paddy used to say you guys were good together. Lovers?"

"Yes," I said it so low I didn't think Suzanne heard me.

"Maura's a good woman, Jane, you guys will be back together before you know it."

"No, Suzanne, she doesn't want to see me anymore. She told me that before she left Boston and wrote it in a letter to my Ma."

"I'm sorry again, Jane. Seems to me you lost an awful lot when you protected her."

"I shot her biological father, Suzanne. He never had a chance to tell Maura who her biological mother is and Maura hates me for that."

Suzanne and I talked everyday after that, at least until she got in a fight in the showers with some of the others and ended up in solitary confinement. I never spoke with her again; she wasn't released back into the general prison population until after my release.

Frankie picked me up just outside the prison walls. I embraced him carefully. I wasn't sure how he felt about his ex-con sister. I didn't have to worry; the family love was still there. Frankie hugged me back and held me tight.

"I love you, Jane. I'm so glad this is over for you," he said. I climbed into the passenger seat of his car.

"It'll never be over, Frankie." He studied my face for a long moment.

"No, I guess not." We set off toward Boston and I settled back in my seat. In my pocket was the name and address of my parole officer whom I was to contact within twenty-four hours. He was going to set me up with a job waiting tables at a pizza parlor. The owner was an ex-con who gave others a chance at redemption.

As for the rest of my life I considered it over. I'd wait tables, pay my bills and exist. Love, romance, a career as a homicide detective, all was gone and never to be regained. I accepted it but I did not embrace it. I knew the nights would be the worst. Instead of nightmares about Hoyt I'd have nightmares about losing Maura over and over again. It was my price to pay for loving and protecting her.

I'd do it all over again, even if I knew the outcome.

The End


	2. Chapter 2

2

Today is my first anniversary here in San Francisco. I didn't have any autopsies to perform, we're pretty light work-wise right now so I decided to treat myself to a walk through the little park by my home followed by a glass of wine on my balcony. I have a beautiful view of the skyline which is one of my favorites. The fact that I'm enjoying it alone is only an afterthought.

I fled to San Francisco because I knew the city. I lived here before and loved it so when things went awry in Boston and I began to think of moving, San Francisco is the first city I thought of. Unfortunately it hasn't turned out to be in my best interests to be here. I learned recently that Boston is my home, not just physically but emotionally as well. Boston lives in my heart.

I wired flowers to Paddy Doyle's grave on the first anniversary of his death-the day Jane shot him. I still review that day in my mind just not as often as I used to. I still focus on watching Jane lift her service weapon, aim and fire as I'm calling out for her not to do it. Then Paddy's slow-motion fall, his body on the pavement, and the realization that my biological father was dead. I am still in shock thinking about it. I've wondered if things had been different-if Paddy hadn't shot Dean-or if Frost was the one to take the shot at Paddy if I'd feel the same. My conclusion, obviously flawed, is that I probably wouldn't be as angry, certainly not at Jane but I'd be just as alone.

It didn't take long after that for Internal Affairs to learn I was Doyle's daughter and that Jane knew for years. Internal Affairs swooped in to investigate as they do in all officer-related shootings and Jane was under indictment shortly thereafter. Although not speaking at that time, and having ended our personal relationship, I was still shocked by seeing her led through the precinct in handcuffs. Jane held her head high, defiant to the end. I didn't attend her trial; I'd already moved to the west coast by the time she was sentenced.

I didn't get fired. I resigned, particularly when the district attorney's office subpoenaed all of my mob-related cases. I went to Cavanaugh and handed in my resignation while designating Pike as my temporary replacement.

The morning I walked into my home and realized I no longer had any connection to Boston was the day I decided to move. I called my realtor before changing my mind and put my home up for sale. Then I decided to clean house.

Angela moved out. She left the day Jane was arrested. Frost said she was staying in Jane's apartment. I didn't care. I love Angela, still do, and generally regard her as a substitute mother but she was my connection to Jane and I wished to break all connections to Jane Rizzoli any way I could.

I piled up all of my old clothes and donated them to charities. This included several dresses I'd worn when Jane and I attended one of my charity functions. I remembered each and every function attended in those dresses as well as Jane taking the dress off me when we returned home and went to bed.

I found several of Jane's things still in my closet. I quickly pulled all of her stuff into boxes and loaded them in the trunk of my car. Later that afternoon I took them to Angela who answered the door with a tear-stained cheek and took my offerings without speaking. I looked at her face before turning away and leaving but no words were exchanged.

The only garment of clothing I kept was an old Boston PD t-shirt Jane used to wear around the house. It has her scent. It's in the far recesses of my closet. I pull it out when things get unbearable. I bury my face in it, surround myself with Jane's scent then put it away. Each time I tell myself it will be the last but it isn't. I tried to throw the shirt away several different times but always pulled it from the "rag bag" before I threw it all away.

I was alone as a child then again as a young adult. My friendship with the Rizzoli family and my relationship with Jane changed all that. When I moved to San Francisco I knew no one-and preferred it that way. After Jane's betrayal of me I couldn't stand the thought of letting someone else get that close. My co-workers try to entice me out for drinks, Frost included after he joined SFPD, but I always decline. It isn't the Dirty Robber; that place no longer exists for me and I'm not looking for a substitute.

I felt just as alone in San Francisco as I did in Boston. It didn't help that I arrived Mother's Day weekend. The arrivals gate I walked through was mobbed with family members reuniting with loved ones. I saw mothers and daughters, sometimes granddaughters too, hugging, happy to see each other, walking off, arms entwined around waists, chattering about the good times they would have. It only served to remind me of my aloneness and what Jane had taken from me.

When I decided to leave Boston I considered many cities, both here and abroad. I decided to stay in the U.S. because I knew I wanted to work. I craved working and knew if I lived abroad I'd only be one of those permanent tourists that never seem to know when to go home.

In the end I chose San Francisco because of its familiarity. I've lived here before, long before I knew anyone named Rizzoli. San Francisco is a beautiful city, as vibrant as Boston or London or Paris and I knew with some effort I could be happy here.

I overstated those ideas in my own mind. The effort to be happy seemed to be overwhelming to me. I moved into a suite at the St. Mark hotel and arranged to have my furniture stored in the interim. I wanted to take my time finding the perfect place to live.

The San Francisco skyline is one of the most breathtaking to me. I love the Golden Gate Bridge rising majestically above the fog and adorned with lights that serve as a beacon to draw attention. The penthouse suite at the St. Mark came with 360 degree views. At any time of the morning or evening (fog permitting) I could see the bridge, bay or land. Most evenings, returning from work, I spent at the window or on the balcony, sipping wine and admiring those views. Unfortunately as much as I enjoyed those evenings I ached to spend them with a special someone by my side.

Jane. I tried not to say her name, even think it, but it slips in unnoticed. I long to spend those evenings with Jane, sitting next to her on the sofa, her arms around me, sipping wine and enjoying the skyline views. I knew if she were here she'd enjoy them too and then we'd go to bed. And enjoy each other.

I smiled a little. Our love life was never a problem. Jane wanted me as much as I wanted her. Her feelings for me surprised me all the time. I'd been alone as a child, unable or unwilling to fit in with others at school. In addition my parents didn't know how to welcome me into their lives. They may have wanted a child but they didn't know what to do with one. I was essentially raised by nannies while my parents enjoyed their separate lives. I never took Jane's feelings for granted. I cherished them and having her in my life.

Being exceptionally bright in school brought its own share of problems. I didn't fit in with any of the others. I was never comfortable with people in general and girls my own age brought another realm of terror. It isn't easy making friends when you don't understand how to ask another to share her glue in art class.

My first day at work as the medical examiner in Boston I was equally terrified. I was almost overqualified for the job and being the youngest CME came with resentment from others who thought they should have had the job. Every time I thought of this Dr. Pike came to mind. I still smiled when I remembered some of his remarks. Dr. Pike actually believed himself to be an overlooked white male who had more qualifications than I. I spent a considerable amount of time impressing upon Dr. Pike that my family's friendship with the governor did not mean I "got a leg up" on the competition. In time he knew he was wrong and we had a good working relationship. I drew the line at a personal relationship, however. From that very first day on the job I was in love with Jane Rizzoli.

I looked up when I heard the elevator ding a little after nine a.m. I found my predecessor's autopsy report of a young girl on my desk when I came in that morning. The homicide team was wrapping up an investigation into a child's murder. I reviewed the autopsy findings and was able to sign off for the district attorney's office because I knew he was thorough in his autopsies.

The most beautiful creature stood before me, speaking in a voice that reminded me of a smoky, smooth whiskey I enjoyed on special occasions. I realized she must have spoken as she stood there, looking at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you. I'm Dr. Maura Isles." I went to shake her hand then remembered I was wearing gloves. Hurriedly I yanked them off. Looking back up at the creature she smiled.

"Detective Jane Rizzoli."

"Well, Detective Rizzoli, what can I do for you?"

"Jane. I need the autopsy report Dr. Shaw did for us last week on the young girl."

"Yes, he left it on my desk. I reviewed it ; everything seems to be in order." I went to my desk and picked up the file. Jane looked at me for a moment, opened her mouth then thought better of it and shut it without speaking.

"Thank you, Dr. Isles."

"Maura. You're welcome, Jane."

She looked back over her shoulder at me as she exited the morgue. "I'll see you later, Maura."

I watched her leave, taking the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I went to release it.

My phone rang. I reached for it, quickly, bracing for the dispatcher's voice, telling me I was needed at a crime scene. It was Frost.

"Hey, doc, how are you this evening?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Barry. Do you need me somewhere?"

"No, no I wanted to give you a heads up that the drug unit is disputing your findings of the carpet fibers on their recent suspect. You'll find a formal report from Commander Allen on your desk tomorrow."

"That's okay, Barry, I can handle it. Science speaks for itself, you know."

"I do." Frost hesitated for a minute. "How are you really, doc?"

His question surprised me. In the few months since Frost transferred out here he rarely mentioned anything personal to me. We still had that easy comfort that comes from knowing a coworker for several years but we didn't have lunch together or bring coffee in for each other in the morning. He still used "doc" as my name. He never called me 'Maura' in Boston and it was obvious he wasn't using my first name in San Francisco either.

"I'm all right, Barry," I said softly. I suspect he knew better but wouldn't bring anything up.

"If you need anything let me know. I'm available if you want to talk. About anything," he added. I thanked him and ended the call knowing I wouldn't discuss Boston with him or anyone else.

His question stayed with me. How was I, really? Still in love with a wild-haired brunette detective from Boston. I still looked for Jane everywhere I went. One time, right after moving into my new home, I was taking a walk on the bridge with a lot of tourists. A beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon, the bridge was loaded with pedestrians and traffic was extremely slow. I kept seeing a woman in front of me, walking determinedly. She had Jane's hair and stride. My heart began to race. I found myself trying to catch up with her although I knew it was impossible for it to be Jane. Jane was in prison in Boston. She didn't know where I was. My mind told my heart to let it go, it couldn't be Jane but I couldn't walk away. At the last minute, as I was about to touch her arm, she turned around when someone called "Sarah!" Not Jane. I was visibly disappointed.

She turned and looked at me. "Are you all right, ma'am?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, my mistake," I managed to mumble. I let myself drop back into the crowd and Sarah caught up with the man who called her name. When I got home I dropped down on my bed, gathered my pillow in my arms, and sobbed. My heart was breaking.

So, here I am, sitting on my balcony, enjoying my evening glass of wine, wishing Jane was here with me and we were still a couple. I can't forgive her for what she did, she knew how important it was for me to find my biological mother but that's gone forever. Jane is in prison for protecting my identity while the mob wars escalate in Boston. My phone began to ring. I stood up, walking into the living room to grab it off the desk.

"Hello?"

"Maura Isles?" a strange voice asked.

"Yes, I'm Dr. Maura Isles."

"Dr. Isles, I'm Charles Flanagan from Massachusetts General Hospital. Are you the next of kin for Jane Rizzoli?"

My breath went out of my body and my knees went weak. I sagged against the desk as I gripped the phone tighter.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me and I make no profit from their use. **

3

Less than two hours later I was on a plane bound for Logan Airport, Frost sitting on my left. I called him right after I hung up. He called for the tickets, threw a bag together and picked me up. I was glad for his company; in addition to knowing and loving Jane, Frost helped steer me in the right direction. I was so shocked at receiving bad news about Jane I hardly functioned.

"I didn't know she was out of prison," I said quietly.

"Last month. I'm sorry, Doc, I would have said something but I didn't think you wanted to know." I patted his hand.

"It's okay, Barry, I didn't think I'd want to know either."

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"Shocked right down to my core. When I left Boston I never expected to get another call like this. Especially since Jane is no longer a cop."

Talking with Frost like this felt like déjà vu. Over the years I'd been in Boston, especially the time I'd been with Jane receiving a phone call asking if I was her next of kin seemed almost a given. Jane was always passionate about her work and she had an all-out approach to apprehending a suspect. At times it became risky and she either had a narrow miss with a bullet or a knife or a non-life threatening injury that shook me to my core until she was fully recovered and back at work until the next time, when I'd have the same feelings all over again. We argued about it periodically, usually when she came downstairs to have me stitch a small wound or pop her nose back in after a hairline fracture.

Then came the day the precinct was under siege and Jane shot through herself to end a hostage/bad cop situation. Jane was in critical condition for quite some time and comatose for the first week. No one in the family understood just how close Jane came to being one of the names on the "in memoriam" board at the entrance to the rebuilt precinct. But I did. I knew exactly the number of major organs the bullet grazed or missed by millimeters that could have easily killed her; or the number of nerves the bullet could have severed but didn't that might have made her a quad- or paraplegic. During her recovery, as I watched Jane struggle to regain her life and be the same Detective Jane Rizzoli she always was I wanted to rage at her, to lash out and ask her to be more careful. I wanted to scream, "what about me? What about our life together?" More importantly I wanted her to know how terrified I would be if Jane died and left me alone. I don't do well with people; that's why I'm a medical examiner. I can speak for the dead; the living speak for themselves and usually terrify me when they open their mouths.

During that recovery time, however, I understood this was Jane: all or nothing. She would always chase suspects around blind corners, flush them out of small rooms or closets, her service weapon drawn and hopefully (in my mind) Jane shot first and best. I learned to "go with the flow" as Jane taught me to say. I cherished our time together, loved Jane as best I could, and learned to live the life of a cop's wife.

But when Jane betrayed me by shooting Paddy Doyle I severed all ties with her. I ended our personal relationship as well as our professional one. I wanted a clean break. I cleaned Jane Rizzoli out of my life and moved across the country. Now I'm headed back because Jane failed to change her paperwork.

"Has Frankie been notified?" I asked Frost.

"Yes but from what I understand he wanted you notified as well."

"Explain that to me, please. I no longer have any association with the Rizzolis."

"Frankie was called first, as her brother, but the hospital mentioned you were still listed as next of kin. He requested the call to you and supplied them with your new phone number."

"I see." Frost squirmed in his seat a little.

"Doc if you wish to go home I can continue on, send your best wishes, that sort of thing."

"No, Barry, I'm on my way. I will honor the request." Frost fell silent. I didn't know what to say. I was at a loss for words.

"You still love her, don't you?" Frost's words hit me.

"No."

"Yes, you do," he said softly. I turned my head toward the aisle and motioned to the flight attendant. I ordered a cocktail off the drinks cart and turned my attention to my AMA journal. Frost watched me out of the corner of his eye for a bit, then reclined back and went to sleep.

We landed at Logan Airport and while Frost grabbed our bags I changed my watch to Boston time. Ten a.m., east coast time; in the past I'd be well into any autopsy needing to be done and Jane, if at her desk in the bullpen, would be on her coffee break. Usually she grabbed two, bringing me one, and I'd take a small break while we drank it. Now, in San Francisco, I usually had several autopsies backed up and would be working frantically to catch up while being my usual thorough self. The reports were meticulous, as well. I didn't have coffee with anyone, I didn't eat lunch with anyone, nor did I have anyone bring lunch to me because I was too busy to go out.

I missed that, the camaraderie I had with Jane and the others. Frost tried to pick up where we left off when he joined SFPD but I told him one morning not to bother. Life was different here, I said, and I cherish that. With the exception of a stray call Frost kept only a professional relationship with me.

Friends were not a problem as I didn't have any. I went to yoga class on the odd occasion my schedule allowed it and I rebuffed any attempts by others to make contact. I used the excuse that my job allowed very little personal time. Now, returning to Boston, my old life showed me what I was missing. No one in San Francisco "had my back" as Jane once said.

I walked into the waiting area Frost indicated and took a seat. Frost bought two cups of horrid coffee out of the machine in the corner, handed one to me, and took the seat next to me.

"The nurse said she marked our arrival in the computer. As soon as one of her doctors is able to take a minute he'll be in to give us an update."

"Did the nurse say anything about the extent of Jane's injuries?"

"No. She said it probably won't be long."

The nurse was right about it not being long, but it was Lt. Cavanaugh who walked through the waiting room doors before the doctor did.

"Lt. Cavanaugh, it's nice to see you," I murmured.

"Dr. Isles, it's always a pleasure to see you, I'm sorry it's under these circumstances. It's Captain now, by the way."

"Congratulations, Captain Cavanaugh," I said. My heart wasn't in it though and I suspect he noticed. He turned his attention to Frost, who stood and shook the Captain's hand.

"Congratulations on your promotion, sir, I know you deserved it."

"Thank you, Frost. Any other time and I'd be asking questions about how much you like or hate San Francisco but now is not the time."

"Why are you here, Captain?" I interrupted him. "Since Jane is no longer with Boston PD and wasn't injured in the line of duty you have no obligation to be here." Cavanaugh settled in the chair next to mine.

"On the contrary, Dr. Isles, I have every obligation to be here. Jane is an excellent detective; the fact that she was railroaded by IA and sent to prison never changed that in my mind. I owe it to her as a former colleague."

"How did you find out?" Frost asked. Cavanaugh looked from Frost to me and back to Frost.

"Do you know how Jane came to be injured this evening?" I shook my head.

"We've been given no information to date, Captain. We're waiting for the doctor to come in."

"Let me fill you in on the details I have while we wait."

"Jane is working at a pizzeria as a wait person and was working this evening when two teenagers came in, supposedly to pick up a last minute takeout order. Instead it was a cover to rob the cashier. The cashier panicked and one of the boys aimed as if to fire at her. Jane came around the corner of the bar and put herself between the gun and the cashier." My heart seized at the thought of Jane throwing her life away, again.

"Once a cop always a cop," Frost said ruefully. I felt fresh tears fill my eyes.

"She's not a cop, Frost, why does she do these things?" I asked angrily. I looked down at the tissue in my hands and realized I'd shredded it to pieces.

"Jane isn't going to stand around and watch while a crime is being committed, Maura, even if it means her life." For once Frost used my first name. I sighed.

"Especially if an innocent person may lose his life," I added. I knew this was typical Jane.

"Jane Rizzoli?" the door swung open and the doctor entered. Cavanaugh, Frost and I stood in response.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

4

The doctor looked at us. "It's good news, fortunately. Ms. Rizzoli is lucky. The bullet went in the upper part of her chest but failed to do much damage, other than collapse a lung. We repaired the damage and re-inflated the lung. She's in recovery then will go to ICU for a few days. If you wish you may see her for only a couple of minutes. She is still unconscious and probably will be for a while."

I stood back as Frost and Cavanaugh instinctively moved toward the door. Frost looked back and I shooed him away with my hand. I saw his face close toward me and I knew he was still upset at me over Jane. What Frost didn't know was how badly I really wanted to see her, touch her hand and reassure myself that once again, bad ass Jane Rizzoli pulled through again.

Instead I sat back down in my chair, put my face in my hands and sobbed as if Jane had died. I wasn't aware that anyone sat next to me.

"Tsk, tsk, there now child, what's the problem?" I heard the soft lilt of an Irish brogue and I jerked my head up. An older woman, easily in her eighties, sat on my right with a pair of knitting needles in her hands. She had a kind look on her face and her smile was easily reflected in her eyes. Her brow furled and a frown took over.

"My child, bad news was it? I'm so sorry for your loss," she said softly. I managed to shake my head.

"No, no, it's good news, she'll pull through," I said through my tears. I reached into my pocket for a tissue but the older woman pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to me.

"Thank you," I said. She patted my knee.

"No, problem, child. Is this woman your mother or sister?"

"No, a former lover," I said before I thought. I looked quickly at her face. She nodded.

"I knew it had to be someone that close to you to produce tears of that sort. So the tears were of joy that she's okay?"

"Something like that."

"It's nice to have someone concerned over you. I'm sure your friend will appreciate your being here for her."

"She shot my father, I don't love her anymore," I blurted out without thinking. I watched the woman. She continued to pull her knitting supplies out of her bag and loaded her needle with a beautiful shade of midnight blue yarn.

"It seems to me she still has some impact on you, to produce those tears." I sighed.

"Jane is a former cop. She protected me and was sent to prison for it. When she killed my biological father I never forgave her and ended our relationship."

"You're here, child. You have feelings for her."

I wanted so desperately to deny that once again, as I had earlier with Frost, but deep down I knew she was right.

"Even if I do still love her I don't know that she'd want me back."

"You have to ask."

"No, I don't. I can get on a plane, return to my home in San Francisco and live out my days without ever thinking of her again."

"I think Thoreau said it best: the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

"Ma'am?" I asked. I knew what the saying meant but I didn't see the application to my life. She smiled at me as she wound the yarn around her hands.

"You look for her around every street corner, think of her when your phone rings and wonder how she is. Might I ask how she ended up here if she was in prison?"

"Jane was released last month after serving out her sentence. She has a job in a pizza parlor and stepped in front of the cashier when the girl was threatened by robbers."

"Your girl seems to be a bit of a hero."

"Yes, she's a former detective for Boston and has never hesitated to put her life on the line for others."

"That bothers you."

"Yes. I don't deal well with people; Jane was always my buffer. Every time she got injured on the job I went through a litany of emotions about how the next time she might not be as lucky."

We sat in silence for a bit. I looked at her again. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, are you here for someone?"

"My granddaughter. She works in a pizza parlor and became quite emotional when one of her new coworkers took a bullet for her this evening. Shelby thought she was going to die when a young man stuck a gun in her face." She looked at me closely.

"I think we're both here for the same reason," she said. I stuck out my hand.

"Dr. Maura Isles, I'm here for Jane Rizzoli," I said.

"Ethel Braden, grandmother to Shelby," she introduced herself. "It's nice to meet you Dr. Isles. Tell me, what do you do in San Francisco?"

"Same as when I lived here in Boston. I am the medical examiner for the San Francisco Police Department."

"What about love, Dr. Isles? Affairs of the heart?"

"Oh, there isn't anyone. I decided I don't need anyone in my life right now."

"It's too bad you're short-changing yourself and your girl in there." I stared down at the floor and smiled.

"I love her, Ms. Braden, you know I do but I don't know if I can live with her."

"Can you live without her?" The question was simple but loaded. The problem was I knew I couldn't. I jumped up.

"No, ma'am I can't. I think I need to let Jane know that." I left the waiting area and found the nurse's station. Frost and Cavanaugh concluded their visit with Jane and I caught up to her as she was being wheeled out of recovery, en route to ICU.

Jane was still unconscious and so very still. It reminded me of the last time I saw Jane this still, the day Boston PD was under siege. I thought I might lose her that day. Ironic, isn't it, to think I was so afraid of losing her to death, only to lose her later on because of my own stupidity?

I knew Jane shot Paddy because he shot Dean, a federal agent and might shoot her or Frost. It was a good shoot. I always knew that but I focused on my personal relationship to the whole mess and let my relationship with Jane be the scapegoat. No more. I took a deep breath. I followed her gurney to ICU and asked the nurse if I could sit quietly with her. When she gave her assent I pulled a chair up to Jane's bed and took her hand in mine.

"Jane, I hope you can hear me. It's Maura. I received a phone call tonight asking if I was the next of kin for you and my heart dropped into my shoes. I thought I was about to faint, not knowing you'd been released I feared someone finally got to you in the prison yard and you were dead."

I was rambling and I knew it. If the situation was different and we were elsewhere she'd tease me about my "googlemouth." I studied Jane in the bed. She was gaunt. Probably not eating good nutritious food, I thought. With Angela gone Jane's connection to homemade Italian food was gone. I remembered when Angela taught me her Nona's gnocchi recipe.

It was a Saturday afternoon. Jane and Frankie were out playing basketball; Angela and I were in the kitchen. She tied an apron around my dress and smiled at me. "Jane is lucky to have you," she said softly. "No, Angela, I'm the lucky one," I replied. "I love Jane more than life itself and now I have all the Rizzoli's."

Angela laughed. "You might come to regret that someday, little one. Trust me. The Rizzoli clan is large and noisy and extremely Italian. We might wear you out."

I doubted it. We spent the afternoon making a large batch of gnocchi. As it boiled and I learned the secret to great marinara Jane came running into the kitchen. She carried something in her cupped hands.

"Look, Maura! A four leaf clover," she was excited. Jane could be so childlike in some ways. I noticed it when she slept. I watched her sometimes, waiting to see her features even out and relax when sleep overtook her. I felt closer to her in these moments. Jane was just Jane, not Detective Rizzoli.

I still have the clover. It's pressed in my photo album. If given a chance I wanted to make Angela's Nona's gnocchi for Jane again. She needed to gain some weight.

The machines beeped a steady rhythm. It was comforting, knowing Jane was going to be all right once she awakened. Oh she'd need physical therapy to regain use of her arm and to get her overall strength back. Having a lung collapse was not a picnic or an easy diagnosis but it was so much better than anything else that could have happened. I leaned my head on the edge of Jane's bed, held her hand and went to sleep.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine; I enjoy playing with them time and again. This is one of those times. **

**A/N: Obviously this is continuing on a little farther; I won't commit to how many chapters because I want to be true to the characters and the storyline. I'm enjoying writing this, seeing where it takes all of us.**

**Thank you for all the reviews; I enjoy each and every one. If you're a guest reviewer or don't receive PMs, thank you for your review. **

5

Ma was standing in front of me, her hand raised as if to object to something. I tried to open my mouth, say something, but I couldn't. It was as if I was restrained in some way. Ma stood there staring at me, a soulful expression on her face then suddenly she was gone. An overwhelming sadness came over me and I started to cry. It was a noiseless cry, though. Once again I couldn't speak.

"Jane?" a voice asked softly. I thought it sounded familiar but I couldn't quite place it. My eyes weren't open yet and I didn't want to return to any type of reality. Whatever this dream state was it suited me for the moment. I went back to sleep.

Some time later my eyes fought to open and focus. My right hand was pinned down to something and I couldn't understand what or why. Where was I? My mind searched for what happened those last few hours and I remembered.

The pizza place, Shelby standing at the front desk taking money from customers as we closed. I was near the bar, filling the parmesan cheese jars and the red pepper flakes. The cook yelled good night and left; the dishwasher yelled that his last load was in the washer and he'd be leaving soon. I tried to remember the closing sequence and wasn't sure I had it down. I turned to Shelby, to ask a question, when I saw the pistol in the kid's hand. Shelby was frozen in place.

I know I'm not a cop anymore. But damn it, the kid's only seventeen. She's beautiful, and smart, and has a future. Not to mention a serious boyfriend who wants to go to college with her. We talked every once in awhile. Shelby is the only person in the pizza joint that never did a stint in the joint. She's the owner's niece. She wanted the job so she could save money for school.

I reacted the only way I knew how. My hand itched to grab that pistol but I knew I didn't have time. I did the only thing I knew: I jumped in front of Shelby. The gun went off and I fell to the floor.

If the emergency doc had asked if I wanted to live or die I seriously might have answered, I don't know. Fortunately I didn't have a chance to make the choice; I wasn't injured that badly. I hope Shelby is okay.

My right hand moved over a lump in the bed. I felt hair. Whose? Ma is no longer with us, dreams notwithstanding and Frankie has shorter hair. Shelby? I couldn't think why she'd be at my bedside. Suddenly I quit breathing. Could it be-? No, why would it be? She's out of my life. I've had no contact with her since I shot Paddy Doyle. I steeled myself against certain disappointment and opened my eyes.

Maura, at my bedside, just like the last time. My heart jumped in response but I tried to act as if I didn't care.

"Why are you here?" I know my words must have sounded colder than I intended because Maura looked like I struck her. She flinched, her eyes widening. Then her face closed down. Yep, still mad, still hates me.

"You might have changed your next of kin notification, Jane." Oh yes, in my records is the designation to contact Dr. Maura Isles in case of emergency. She's right, I forgot to change it. After I got out of prison I had other things to think about. In fact, I thought my personnel records at BPD were in storage, if not destroyed.

"Why are you here?" I persisted. She sighed. Maura stood up, wrapping her arms around her front.

"I received a call about your injury. I called Frost and we flew in together."

"Frost's here?" I smiled. I wanted to see him. As much as I loved having Korsak as my partner Frost turned out to be the better fit. I loved him almost as much as Frankie. Good ol' days at Boston PD. My cheeks suddenly seemed wet. I changed my tune.

"You didn't have to come, Maura. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. If you'll tell me how much your plane ticket cost I'll reimburse you." I couldn't meet her eyes; if I did she'd know how much I still cared for her.

An awkward silence stretched into a few minutes. She stood by my bed. I glanced sideways at her face. Maura was wiping away tears. Without thinking I held out my hand. Surprisingly Maura took it like it was her lifeline. She sat back down at my bedside.

"Just like old times, Jane," she said quietly. I stared up at the ceiling.

"Yes, in a way. When I came to that time you were holding my hand while you slept on the side of my bed. You managed to tell me you had feelings for me and were afraid I'd die before you told me," I looked directly into her eyes. "A little different this time, wouldn't you say, Maura?"

"I wanted to be here," she said.

"Why?"

"Even if I hadn't been notified by the hospital, if Frost had called, I would have insisted on coming along."

"Why?" I felt like a two year old who couldn't get a straight answer out of her parents.

"I received your letter."

"That still doesn't answer my question, Maura."

"I saw Captain Cavanaugh, Jane."

"Captain now, huh?" I smiled. I liked having Cavanaugh as my superior officer; he was a straight shooter and treated me like everyone else. Being the only woman in homicide, and as high ranking as I was, I appreciated not being called out for being a woman.

"I'm not making sense, am I?" Maura asked. I shook my head. She took a deep breath.

"I have a lot to answer for, Jane. This probably isn't the best time but I'll try if you don't mind listening."

"I'm not going anywhere, Maura."

"I'm not angry at you for shooting Doyle, Jane. My anger was misplaced. I realized I was angry at the situation but I took it out on you, blamed you for not knowing who my biological mother is. By the time I figured that out I was in San Francisco and you were on your way to prison."

Maura stopped and looked at me for a second. I remained silent. "I couldn't stay away, Jane. I wanted to be here for you. You got a bad deal since you were protecting me. I should have stepped up and said something, anything. Instead I resigned my position and left the state."

"Did Ma tell you I was in prison?"

"No, she didn't have to. It was in the news, Jane. I have the clipping if you wish to see it."

"No thank you."

"I wrote Angela a letter thanking her for being there for me."

"I have it. She read it to me in prison on one of her visits. Frankie gave it to me when he came to tell me she was gone."

Now Maura cried real tears. "Jane, I am so sorry. I wish I had been there for you. Being in prison and losing Angela must have hurt."

"It did. I wasn't allowed to attend her funeral so I had one of my own for her, in my cell. It was a bad time, then."

"I was in the bullpen when you were arrested."

I was surprised. I thought Maura was buried in her own world downstairs, the world I was no longer allowed to be a part of.

"You were?" She nodded.

"I wanted nothing more than to run to you, gather you in my arms and tell you everything would be all right."

"Maura, playing confessional is all right every now and then but I don't understand why you're telling me all of this. You threw me out of your life, Maura. We had something special, at least I thought we did, but apparently I was nothing more than a warm bed and a good fuck to you."

If I wanted to shock Maura without physically striking her I hit the mark. She stood, put her arms around her and walked over to my window. "I deserved that," she said.

"Damn it, Maura, why are you here? I still don't understand. I get injured, I'm in the hospital and you're by my bed just like before. If these last couple of years hadn't happened you'd have been here."

"If the past couple of years hadn't happened, Jane, you wouldn't be in that hospital bed because you wouldn't have been in the pizza place. You wouldn't have put yourself in front of a young girl to save her life. You would have been home with me."

"Yeah, true."

Maura turned around and faced me. She walked over to the bed and put her face in mine, almost as if she meant to kiss me.

"I still love you, Jane. I hope you have feelings for me and we can find our way back to each other."

Knock me over with a feather. If I hadn't already been lying down I'd have been on the floor. The last words I ever expected to hear from Maura Isles was that she loved me and wanted me back.

"I don't know what to say."

"Don't worry about saying anything, Jane. You don't need to make a decision right now, just give me a chance? Can you do that?"

"I don't know, Maura."

"One day at a time? I'm assuming there isn't anyone else in your life, Jane. I guess if there is, please tell me and I'll leave you alone."

"You hurt me, Maura, more than anyone ever has." I didn't know what to do with Maura's feelings for me. She is the only person, male or female, who captured my heart and kept it for years. When she threw me out of the house, out of her life, she hurt me more than ten bullets from a .38 special.

"I know. If I hurt you too much, Jane, I'll apologize and leave you alone. I never meant to hurt you, but oh shit, this isn't coming out the way I wanted!" Maura stamped her foot. I was amused.

"Dr. Maura Isles swears?" I teased. Maura smiled a little.

"You know I do," she said softly. I held her smile for a moment.

"My love wasn't enough for you," I answered.

"Yes, it is. It was then. I didn't see it."

"How do I know this time will be different?" Maura studied my face as I asked that question. I know there are no guarantees in life but I sure as hell wanted one this time.

"I don't know."

"That isn't good enough, Maura."

"I know. I love you, Jane, is that good enough?"

"No," I replied. And there we were, at a standstill.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

6

I watched Maura as she walked out of my hospital room without another word. I doubted I'd see her again. The tears threatened then but I managed to hold them back. Frost walked in right after Maura left. Damn it was good to see him. I'd missed him tremendously.

"Frost, how are you?" I smiled. He smiled back and we shared a hug. Before prison I wasn't a hugger. I kept people at arms length, except for Maura. Losing Ma while imprisoned and not being able to hold her one last time, say goodbye, changed things for me.

He sat down and we talked for awhile. I mentioned knowing of Cavanaugh's promotion and we discussed what it was like to work for Cavanaugh in Boston.

"Ah, yes, the good old days," I said and fell silent. I never told anyone this, not even Ma, but when I was stripped of my detective's badge I lost my identity. I'd been Detective Jane Rizzoli for so long I no longer knew who I was. Everything I knew about myself I questioned. I used to think I was a good person, but others no longer think so. The Commonwealth of Boston pretty much told me to my face that I wasn't worth the paper my birth certificate was printed on.

So it was painful for me to relive the past when all of us worked for Boston. Kids used to look up to me as someone they could emulate; I was a role model. I shot through myself to take down a rogue cop; the term 'hero cop' applied to me. I was no longer that person. When Frost asked me why I never contacted him while I was in prison I knew why. I didn't take it for granted that people wanted to hear from me. The awkward moment that passed between us told him as much as I was willing to admit.

"She still loves you, Jane."

"I know, she told me."

"You still love her?" Frost asked. I turned my head and looked him straight in the eye.

"Yes, always have, always will."

Frost left not long after that. I stared at the ceiling for awhile, replaying my conversation with Maura in my head. The fact that she was dressed in a beautiful white blouse and simple skirt made my pulse race. And those heels…I never could get over how beautiful Maura Isles is. One of the perfect creatures to walk the face of this earth; and, for a few years, she loved me.

I fell asleep for awhile, how long I don't know. I awakened to find Maura sitting at my bedside once again. I can't take much more of this. I love Maura but I no longer trust her ability to not hurt me.

"Please leave." Even to my ears I sounded harsh.

"Jane, let me stay."

"No." I refused to look at her.

"As you wish," Maura said softly. She gathered her purse and keys and left. I sighed and tried to roll over so I didn't watch the door anymore. Her use of the phrase "as you wish" reminded me of when we first started dating. One Friday evening we had one of our sleepovers after watching a couple of movies. We'd admitted our feelings for each other and were aware of a heightened sense of tension between us, but instead of the tension being bad, it was wonderful. Each of us had our favorite person beside her; neither of us wanted or needed anyone else in our lives. We were complete. Maura got into bed and rolled over on her side to face me. We hadn't been intimate yet outside of several hot and steamy sessions of "everything but."

"What did you start to say at the end of our phone conversation today?" she asked me. I thought back and considered how much to say. We were out on a case and Frost and I stayed behind to continue processing the crime scene. Maura left with the tech team when the body was loaded into the morgue van. I called to ask her a quick question about something she commented on when she first saw the body. As I began to end the conversation I caught myself starting to say those three little words, "I love you." I choked off the end of my words, substituted "as you wish" and got off the phone. It shook me how easily I wanted to tell Maura how much I loved her. I also wanted it to be special. Screw that, in reality I wanted to say it in person so I could gauge her reaction. So I used "as you wish" instead.

"I said, as you wish." I cleared my throat. Suddenly I was nervous. Maura smiled at me and continued on.

"But you didn't want to say, 'as you wish,' Jane, you were about to say something else."

I took in every detail of her flawless face. The perfectly shaped eyes, her lovely mouth and lips, the eyebrows that knit together when she was stumped trying to figure something out. I took a deep breath. Here goes, I remember thinking.

"I love you," I said. Maura's eyes got big. Then they sparkled as she smiled wide. Maura never took love for granted, even as beautiful a woman as she is. Given her background she grew up convinced that no one could ever love her, that she was a flawed human being destined to be alone.

"I love you, too, Jane," she said and started to cry. I groaned and pulled her close to me.

"See, this is why I chose not to say it over the phone for the first time. If you had this type of reaction Frost, Korsak and Frankie, not to mention Ma, would have cleaned my clock, thinking I'd hurt you somehow."

"I can't help it. Not too many people have ever told me they loved me and this time it's you. I love you too, Jane. I have ever since you told me your name when we met."

"Good thing I'm not a serial killer, then." I laughed. Maura giggled a little and cleared the tears from her eyes.

Remembering this story and how in love we used to be was physically painful. So was listening to Maura say "as you wish" in a different context. How am I going to get through her being here? Why can't see return to San Francisco and stayed out of my sad pathetic life?

The next morning the doctor came in with the news that I was to be discharged that morning. The only problem came up when he asked where I'd be staying.

"At home," I promptly replied. I no longer had my apartment, of course. When I was on trial and my attorney leveled with me that it wasn't going well, he advised me to put my affairs in order. I stared at him in disbelief when I realized he was telling me to clean out my apartment, my life and get ready to go to prison-where I could die very easily, since I was a former cop. I enlisted Frost's and Frankie's help and the three of us cleaned out my apartment. Every extra piece of paper or furniture got dumped, sold or donated somewhere. The week before my sentence was handed down I turned in my keys and moved back in with Ma. When I was released my parole officer secured a room in a small downtown hotel. Read "seedy" into that. All of the parole officer's ex-cons got a room in that hotel until other arrangements could be made. I never worried about changing my address, I didn't have anything left to live for.

"Who will be with you?" he asked.

"No one." Not even Jo Friday was mine anymore; I'd given her back to Korsak. She now lived her weekends on his boat as he fished to his heart's content.

"Not good enough, Miss Rizzoli. You need to find someone to stay with you."

"I'll stay with her," Maura's voice came from the doorway.

"No."

"I can't justify keeping you in the hospital any longer, Miss Rizzoli. Nor do I want you staying by yourself. Your friend here is offering to help you out, I'd take her up on it if I were you." The doctor finished writing my discharge orders, left them in Maura's hands and walked out. I opened my mouth to protest again. Maura shook her head.

"Only for a couple of days, Jane, then I'm sure you'll be okay. He wants to make certain you don't have a reaction to your medication or a relapse."

"Fine. Thank you, Dr. Isles." I stared down at the bed. I was furious at being put in this position. Frankie wasn't here for me to ask and Maura volunteered. How the hell am I going to get through this?

"You're welcome, Detective Rizzoli."

"I AM NOT A FUCKING DETECTIVE!" I screamed. Maura flinched. Great way to get things off to a wonderful start, I thought sarcastically. I stared at Maura. "Call me Jane, please, Maura. I no longer answer to any other form of address."

Maura's mouth worked a bit and I wondered what she was about to say. Instead she closed it and shook her head. "Let me get the pharmacy working on these while the nurse finds a wheelchair to take you downstairs."

Just fucking wonderful, I thought as I swung my legs over the side of the bed to dress.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

7

I knew Jane wasn't going to be happy with the circumstances but when the doctor told her she had to have someone stay with her for a couple of days I saw my opportunity and took it. I wanted an expanse of time available to me, to talk to Jane, to 'woo' her if you will. She needed to know I didn't blame her for Paddy's death and that I still loved her very much.

I wanted her back. I wanted the love we enjoyed before, if possible. I realized it might not be but hoped that what we may have in the future could be every bit as good or better. I needed to convince Jane of this but she is so badly damaged right now. First she lost her career as a detective, went to prison for protecting me, and lost Angela during her incarceration. I had a lot to make up for. I wanted to get started as soon as possible.

I went downstairs to the pharmacy to pick up Jane's meds and to give her some privacy while she dressed and prepared to leave the hospital. I think Frankie brought in some fresh clothes for her; he is the only one available who has access to her place now that Angela's gone. The clothes Jane came in wearing were destroyed in the ER when they were cut off of her.

Standing in the pharmacy waiting area I glanced over at the news racks. "HERO COP SAVES AGAIN" screamed the headline of one of the local newspapers. I went over and examined the article more carefully, purchasing an extra copy for Jane to read. The picture below the article was an older one of Jane when she still wore her uniform for Boston. The smile was legendary. I'd seen that smile of hers on a regular basis and it never failed to warm me. Every time Jane smiled at me, in whatever situation we found ourselves in, I felt like I'd come home.

So when I blamed Jane for killing Doyle and didn't let up I hurt her far worse than I imagined. I remembered feeling like the foundation of all that I had been had been pulled out from me. I no longer knew who I was. I wanted to find my biological mother but that information died with Paddy. He was the only person who knew her identity. Jane knew all of this. I believed she betrayed me when she fired that shot, especially since she hesitated before firing. I cried out for her to stop but she fired anyway. Watching Doyle fall from the catwalk was painful. I am not a cop and although I've seen the aftermath of someone's rage on my autopsy table I've not been there when the actual killing is done. I'd been wired to get a confession from an arsonist firefighter but none of us thought anything like this could happen. But it did. Jane's life unraveled from there.

I can't tell you when I realized how much I still loved Jane and wanted her back. Even more I can't pinpoint exactly when I realized she was not at fault for Doyle's death. I always knew, however, she never should have gone to prison for protecting me. If anyone should have been imprisoned it is me. I should have paid for keeping my mouth shut, even when I knew the potential of having hundreds of cases reopened and reviewed for possible overturned convictions.

I remember the morning I made up my mind to go to Cavanaugh and have him arrest me for keeping my true identity silent. Previously I believed that since I didn't know until a couple of years earlier that Doyle was my biological father there was no conflict of interest. My 'big brain' kept telling me otherwise but I looked the other way and ignored the impulse to confide in Cavanaugh. Then Jane and I started dating, we fell in love and I forgot all about telling Cavanaugh anything.

My life was a life of bliss at that point. I loved being a medical examiner but my relationship with Jane enhanced my career. Knowing she was upstairs while I was downstairs kept me feeling safe. I tried harder to find the forensic evidence she and her team needed to keep the bad guys off the streets. I've always been a little anal retentive, as the expression goes, but it hit overdrive when I worked a homicide case. I never wanted Jane to be disappointed in my work or feel I didn't do a good enough job to get a successful conviction on a case.

After work we went out for drinks with friends, or took dinner home with us. On occasion I'd cook. I loved cooking for Jane. She used to complain about some of my unpronounceable 'frou frou' recipes but she enjoyed every bite. The Sunday dinners at the Rizzoli home were a highlight of the week for us. I loved seeing Jane interact with her family, family that became mine. Ones I threw away when I dumped Jane. It was like seeing someone you loved in their natural habitat. Even in the middle of teasing Frankie about an old girlfriend Jane would look up, catch my eye and smile her special smile at me. I'd get a warm glow all over, knowing that no matter what, I was hers.

Our sex life was never a problem. We slept in each other's arms every night. What transpired between dinner and falling sleep usually left us drained and the sheets in a tangled mess. I replaced so many sheet sets I think the clerks at Bloomingdale's were starting to wonder what I did to wear out so many so quickly. One look from Jane and I was humming a tune that only she could hear. Many evenings she took me behind the door after entering my home because we couldn't wait any longer. Every place we went outside of work was a potential place to take each other. Or tease each other. I smile every time I remember taking Jane to the opera. She complained long and loud until she saw my private box. Needless to say my skirt spent most of the evening around my waist and Jane's hand inside me. I'll never attend an opera anywhere without reliving some of those memories.

Of course I got my revenge. One year for Jane's birthday I got us a box for a Red Sox-Yankees game. Jane had been raving about wanting to see that particular game for several weeks. She had herself convinced she wasn't going to be able to go because the game was actually on her birthday. I pulled some strings, reserved the box and waited. As the weeks went by and the Sox and Yankees battled for first place in the AL East Jane complained about having to miss the game and I smiled behind her back. The morning of her birthday I served Jane breakfast in bed with a flower and birthday card tucked at the corner of her tray. I sipped my tea while Jane feasted on her stuffed French toast with raspberries. She took the last bite and was still chewing when she reached for her birthday card. When she noticed the tickets and which game they were for the rest of her French toast flew out of her mouth. Hastily I managed to put my teacup on the bedside table as Jane reached over for me. Needless to say she exercised off her French toast. We were almost late for work.

Jane was like a child when we went to the game that night. Decked out in her Boston gear the smile never dimmed. Once again, for the hundredth time, she told me the story of Fenway and how the green monster got its name. She talked of her favorite players, past and present, and bemoaned the fact that David Ortiz (Big Papi she called him), was on the disabled list. The game was close. The Sox pulled it out in the ninth and Jane was radiant. After Jacoby Ellsbury touched home plate Jane turned and swept me into a breathtaking kiss. She pulled back, smiled at me a little mischievously and her hand found its way into my pants. She stroked me several times while my breathing became ragged. I came quickly. We ran to the parking lot and Jane badged us out of the lot ahead of the others. Ordinarily I would have scolded her for taking advantage of her position but I was so soaked I couldn't wait. That was another of the nights we were on the floor just inside my front door. Good thing we weren't in Jane's apartment or otherwise we might have had to come up with an excuse for the neighbors. When I did come to my senses regarding Jane, it was too late. I'd screamed at her and been cold to her, shutting her out for too long a period of time. My letter to Angela had been sent. When I received Jane's letter apologizing once again, and telling me she understood how I felt, I cried for days. My eyes nearly swelled shut. I lost her, completely. What I finally understood was how broken Jane Rizzoli really was. And that I was the one who did it to her.

I returned to Jane's room with her meds and the newspapers tucked under my arm. She sat in the wheelchair, her head down, one arm in a sling to protect her chest. Her face was pale, too pale in my estimation. One thing I wanted to do for Jane when I got her home was to cook for her, put some weight back on her, and find excuses to take her places where she could sit in the sun for some time.

"If you're ready, Jane, we have everything." Jane barely looked up. She reached for the wheels and started to propel herself forward. I took over, pushing from the back. Frankie waited at the curb for us, Jane climbed in the passenger seat and I followed in my car.

All the way home I fretted over how this would go. I decided to take things easy for the rest of the day, allow Jane to settle in and get comfortable. She must need to rest. My refrigerator was stocked and I was prepared to cook. Tomorrow we would sit down together and I'd have a chance to explain things to Jane. How I loved her and wanted her back. How I hate myself for hurting her and want to win her back, win her trust and her love. I am willing to do anything to have Jane back in my life.

My senses on full alert, I pulled into my driveway right behind Frankie. I'd given him a key and he was carrying Jane's bag while he assisted her in getting out of his car. I took a deep breath, got out of my own vehicle, and smiled at Jane.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

8

Maura followed me inside like a puppy who's just been kicked by its mistress and is hoping to make up. I ignored her. I wanted a shower, which I couldn't have because of my bandages, a beer and to go to bed.

I opted for sleep. Beer was out of the question because of my medication. I sure as hell didn't want to talk. Frankie dropped my bags inside Maura's guest bedroom and sat down on the bed next to me. We sat there for a moment.

"Thank you, little brother, I love you," I patted Frankie's knee. He looked at me for a minute.

"Ma would be proud of you Jane." A lump formed in my throat.

"She died knowing her daughter as a convict."

Frankie grabbed my hand. "No, she died knowing her daughter had the guts to stand up and protect someone our family loves very much."

"Loved, Frankie."

"I'll leave you to figure that out, Jane," Frankie stood to leave. He kissed my forehead. "You'll be okay?" I nodded. He walked out.

I stretched out on top of the bed. I wasn't really tired enough to sleep but I sure as hell wasn't planning on a long conversation with the other occupant of the house. As soon as I felt better I wanted to go back to my place. It might not be much but it doesn't have Maura Isles in it.

I heard footsteps coming down the hallway and I held my breath, afraid she was going to appear in the doorway. The footsteps stopped, waited a moment, then turned and left. I let out my breath. Thank God she left me alone.

I found myself staring at the ceiling. My chest ached like hell but I wasn't planning on getting up to get anything. A couple of aspirin should do the trick. I leaned over and pulled out my bag of medicines and promptly dropped them all over the floor.

"Fuck!"

"Jane, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, thank you," I called back. I grabbed the bottles and dropped them back into the bag, ferreting out the aspirins. Footsteps down the hallway again. Suddenly Maura was at my bedside, helping me round up the ten million little pills scattered all over the rug.

"Here, let me help you."

"No thanks, Maura, I got this."

Maura looked up, right into my eyes. I saw the concern there and tried to ignore it. She straightened.

"I'll get you some water."

"No need," I said as I dry swallowed the pills. There was no way in fucking hell I was about to accept anything else from Ms. Maura.

She turned abruptly away from my bathroom and exited my room. Probably going to go cry somewhere, I thought cynically. I settled back on the bed, nasty attitude and all, and closed my eyes.

_Bobby grabbed me around the throat and pulled me backward, away from Maura and out of the morgue. Using me as a shield he pushed me out the doors of the precinct. I saw Frost, Korsak and Cavanaugh at the ready, weapons drawn. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the SWAT team in place. If I could look up I knew I'd see shooters on the rooftop across the street. "Bobby, this is over." I tried to persuade him to let me go but he only tightened his grip. I held onto his arm, not only as an anchor but to see if I could break his hold. If I could fall forward, out of his arms, SWAT would have a clear shot. This could all be over in a matter of seconds and the EMTs might have a chance to save Frankie and get him to a hospital. _

_ No go. Bobby's grip remained tight. I implored Bobby to let me go, this was over. He was a dead man and we both knew it. I told him Frankie needed help. "He's probably already dead," Bobby replied in my ear. In response a bolt of pain flashed through my heart like I'd never felt before. I screamed. Reaching blindly for Bobby's arm I yanked hard enough to pull down his weapon, aim it at myself, and fire. As I did so I heard Maura's voice calling me. "Jane!" Too late I realized SWAT must have rescued the morgue. Frankie was already safe but I'd shot myself. I was on the pavement before I knew it. My eyes fluttered shut. As everything turned black around me I felt a familiar pair of hands pulling at my shirt, stemming the flow of blood-and crying. _

"Fuck this shit," I murmured and forced myself to wake from my dream. Yes, it was the day I shot through myself. I didn't care if I died as long as Frankie got treated. I didn't want to think of Maura coming to my aid without waiting for SWAT to clear Bobby's body. For all she knew Maura was in danger but all she could think of was my needing help-her help. It was one of Maura's most endearing traits, her ability to think of others before herself, and I loved her all the more for it.

I stared at the ceiling for awhile. I admitted to myself before my sentencing that I still loved Maura and always would, I just couldn't trust Maura to commit to her again. I took a deep breath, let it out, and went back to sleep.

_"Hello, Jane," Hoyt's voice greeted me. I groaned. What was this, Jane's greatest nightmares sequence? But as much as I tried I couldn't wake myself up. I sank deeper into the bed. Hell let Hoyt take over, what did I care?_

_ Once again he crouched above me, his infamous scalpel in his hands. This time I was cold, clinical. What would it matter if he sliced me open and spilled my guts over his hands? I'd already been hurt enough by the ones who supposedly loved me. Let Hoyt finish his job. Hoyt grinned at me eerily._

_ "I'm not afraid of you anymore," I told him. The grin vanished. His eyes turned stone cold. I'd made him supremely angry. _

_ "Then let me commence with my own personal hell for you, Jane," Hoyt could barely speak for the anger in his voice. Suddenly the sequence shifted and he held Maura down, his evil grin letting me know he was about to win._

_ "Hoyt, don't you touch her!" I screamed. I struggled with all my might but my arms were pinned and I could not reach Maura before he took his scalpel and cut her across her throat. Her blood spilling out, I was speechless.  
"Maura!" I screamed. _

"I'm here, Jane, I'm here," I heard Maura's soothing voice in my head. I opened my eyes. Maura was holding me. This was why I felt my arms pinned down in my dream-she was holding me tight.

"Only a dream, Jane, it's okay," she continued to coo. I wanted to sink down into her embrace, let my heart take over and accept her. My head rebelled. I sat upright breaking her hold on me.

"Let me go, Maura, I'm fine," I said as coldly as I could. I was close enough to be able to see her face. She struggled to say something but slipped from my bed without a word.

After a couple more hours contemplating the bedroom ceiling I managed to sleep in fits and starts. I woke shortly before 7, not rested but fortunately not overly tired. My chest, however, felt like it was on fire. I looked at the bedside table. My morning meds had been counted out and sat on a small plate, along with a pitcher of fresh ice water. Without thinking I poured out the water and threw the pitcher across the room. The ice water swam in the wastebasket next to the bed. I got up and hobbled into the bathroom. Turning on the tap I filled the glass and took my medicine. I laughed to myself as I returned to bed.

"Jane?" I stretched back out and sighed when I heard her voice. Of course she heard the pitcher land against the opposite wall and came running.

"I'm fine, Maura, just a little tired. I had an accident with the pitcher."

"Oh, all right. Let me get it-" Maura stopped when she saw the water in the wastebasket, ice cubes swimming. I threw my good arm across my face and grinned to myself.

"Apparently I can't do anything for you, Jane," Maura said in a cold voice. Ooh, I thought, I finally hit her last nerve. Good. "I'm going to work. Your breakfast and lunch is in the kitchen, you know where it is. Try to eat something without launching it out the window. You need your strength." Maura turned and stalked out of the room. I felt like a rebellious teenager who told off her mother.

I fell back asleep, this time without the dramatic dreams. The clock read 10:14 when I next opened my eyes. I groaned and sat up. My stomach growling I decided to check out the kitchen and find something for breakfast. I also wanted coffee.

The kitchen table had been set for one. The placemat, napkins, silverware, glass of juice all sat waiting for me. Also a rose in a vase decorated the top right-hand corner of the placemat. I stuck my tongue out at it and opened the refrigerator door. A plate of cut fruit and a muffin had been left on the top shelf, covered in plastic wrap. I grabbed it and put it on the table. I poured myself a cup of coffee.

Underneath the muffin was a note from Maura. "Jane, can we have dinner together this evening? I have something special for you, and I'd like for us to talk." Shit. I slammed my coffee cup down on the table.

"NO! I don't want to talk to you, Maura!" I screamed out. Deciding I'd had enough I retreated to the bedroom and packed my bag. I called Frankie and asked him to come and get me. I was ready to go home.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me and no profit is made from their use.**

**A/N: Sigh, you guys caught me. I had a major brain cramp in the last chapter. The bad news is, I proofread the chapter twice before posting and still didn't catch my mistake. I had Maura living and working in Boston when she actually works and lives in San Francisco. **

**As for my guest and anonymous reviewers, thank you very much for continuing to put up with me. I hate making mistakes (like anyone enjoys them?). With the exception of the mistake in Maura's living/working arrangements, everything else in the chapter is correct and is on a certain path. When all is said and done, if I write it correctly, you'll be able to connect the dots. **

9

I left Jane alone for awhile. I knew she was acting like a two year old, throwing a temper tantrum, and I left before I waded into her mess and got caught up in it. I know Jane, having lived with her for several years in Boston, and understand how her mind works. It took me quite some time to understand her, she is quite the incredible creature, and I love her but I don't enjoy when she loses her temper. Part of my willingness to escape this morning comes from wishing Jane could leave the Boston area and live with me in San Francisco. I was trying to think of ways to bring up the subject when I received a phone call from Captain Cavanaugh.

I returned his phone call, expecting it to be short but he invited me to meet with him in his office this morning without explaining the nature of the meeting. I don't know what he wants to see me about but I thought he might be able to help me get Jane released from her parole here in Boston so she could return with me to the west coast. I park in the visitor lot, sensing it strange to not be parking in the employee area and enter the precinct.

"Good morning, Doc," one of the uniforms greeted me. His face seems familiar to me but I cannot remember his name so I smile and nod. Captain Cavanaugh must have overhead the man's greeting as he comes out of his office to escort me.

"Thank you, Dr. Isles, I appreciate your willingness to meet with me on such short notice," he said.

"I enjoyed working here, Captain, of course I'd answer your call and meet with you."

"Good. I have two problems right now, Dr. Isles, and since you seem to be in no hurry to return home I'm going to call in a couple of favors. First we have a body in the morgue whose autopsy seems to defy all attempts to identify the cause of death, much less determine if it's a homicide or natural death. I was hoping you might be able to give us a day and help out."

"Of course, Captain, my schedule is open aside for helping Jane recover. I'm happy to assist you."

"Thank you, Dr. Isles. The second item is a little more complicated, however, and I wanted to know if I could count on your assistance in this matter as well." I opened my mouth to give Captain Cavanaugh the same reassurance when he held up his hand.

"I appreciate your willingness to give me implicit permission to do as I like but please hear me out, Doctor. I need your help and I don't wish to proceed alone. I want to get Jane's conviction overturned so she can be reinstated as a detective here in Boston."

I was stunned. My thoughts collided with each other. I wanted to take Jane home with me and here Captain Cavanaugh wanted to restore Jane's whole life.

"Let me give you some background, Doctor Isles."

"Captain, why don't you call me Maura?"

"Then I'm Sean, Maura. Let me explain what I'm thinking. Jane went to prison solely because she protected you from Paddy Doyle and his mobster friends. Your safety was uppermost in her mind at all times. To some that reeked of protectionism and she had many detractors who felt her protection may have extended to Doyle himself. We all know it didn't. Jane never compromised her professional oath for anyone. Second, since so many of your old cases involving the Irish mobs ended up overturned Boston had a lot of cases to retry or criminals released because their convictions could not be upheld. That was not Jane's fault. In truth, Maura, it wasn't yours either because you did not grow up knowing Paddy Doyle as anything other than an Irish mob boss. We know you wanted to tell me but keeping secrets from a mob is not easy. I believed Internal Affairs railroaded Jane as a scapegoat and to keep some of their own dirty cops under wraps. Several other investigations were ongoing at that same time, some of sensitive dealings and we could not compromise those. So Jane got thrown to the wolves. She served her time. Because of this I want the conviction removed from Jane's record and have her back here as a detective. Will you help me?"

It didn't take more than a second for me to realize Jane wanted to be a cop more than anything else and her life was here in Boston. She would never be happy in San Francisco. Her roots were here, Angela was buried here, and Jane would never want to leave Boston permanently.

"Yes, Sean, I'll help. How do we go about getting this done?"

"First, Maura, I need to ask for your discretion, even from Jane. For awhile, until I have the foundation in place I cannot ask for anything and I don't want Jane to get her hopes up if I find out I can't get this done. Second, it requires help from her attorney as he'll need to draw up the paperwork to file in court. He's already agreed to help."

We talked for another couple of minutes then I left, my head still spinning. Jane might be on the brink of getting her old life back-but was I in it? I could only hope so.

I walked into my hotel suite almost holding my breath. "Jane?" I called out. No answer. I walked into her room and noticed it was empty. I looked in the closet. No clothes. The bathroom was empty as well. Jane packed up and left. I guess I didn't have to worry about Jane finding out Cavanaugh's plan prematurely. I checked my watch and noticed it was only a little after ten a.m. I called the medical examiner's office and offered my assistance with their case. Grabbing my purse I returned to the precinct and headed downstairs. Pushing the button I was reminded of how many times Jane accompanied me to work. After Jane shot herself I thought those days might be numbered. The first time she accompanied me to the elevators was the day I signed her in. At the medal ceremony the night before a bomb had exploded, killing the young Army Sergeant who'd been a fellow honoree the night before. Of course Jane was itching to get back to work. I tried to chase her home to no avail.

_"What can I do to help?" I asked Jane._

_ "Get me upstairs, Maura."_

_ "Fine. The best I can do, Jane, is to have you come downstairs with me." I watched Jane approach the elevator and hold out her hand to push the button._

_ "Push the upstairs button, Jane and I'll punch you in your scar tissue." Jane still teased me, acting like she was going to push the upstairs button for the bullpen before she'd been released to return to work. She pushed the 'down' button and waited with me for the elevator to arrive. We stepped on the car, Jane looking like a recalcitrant child who'd been reprimanded for having too many cookies. We entered my office._

I smiled at the memory. We were friends then, not yet lovers and I'd been sleeping with her surgeon, Dr. Slucky. Fucky Slucky Jane called him. Later on I agreed with her. I knew why I wasn't completing responding to men, even then, but I never thought Jane could have romantic feelings for me. I believed I was destined to reject each man with some strange premise since I couldn't have Jane.

But after sorting through her feelings post-shooting Jane knew she was in love with me. One night she finally confided her feelings. It wasn't long after she returned to work full-time and we were mired in another case, although fortunately it wasn't a homicide. One of Jane's former partners in the drug unit needed Jane's help in finding his daughter. As the daughter was found with the help of the young son's recollections of seeing a lighthouse on the kidnapper's car, Jane told me she was never having children. I smiled at her indulgently. "You think that will protect you?" I asked. Jane gave me a look I couldn't interpret.

We left to go to the Robber with Frost and Korsak. We were now off for a couple of days, having worked over twenty-four hours straight to find the girl. As we got to the Robber however Jane gave me the same look as before and made excuses to Frost and Korsak that we couldn't join them. She took my hand and walked me back to the precinct.

"As tired as I am, Maura, I want to talk. How about joining me for breakfast at my place?"

"Of course, Jane." We left in my car. I knew Jane was too tired to drive and I suspected she would end up falling in bed at home before breakfast was served. How wrong I was.

I followed Jane into her place expecting to go straight into the kitchen. Jane grabbed me by the hand and turned me to face her.

"I've been giving this a lot of thought, Maura. I have something I need to say. I hope our friendship survives because I cannot bear the thought of you not being in my life." To say that Jane had my undivided attention was an understatement. I was glued to her every word, my eyes fixed on her face. She had both of my hands in hers and it was not an unpleasant feeling. Her close proximity to me might have been a problem if she was a man but this was _Jane. _I loved her being so close to me.

Jane took a deep breath and continued. "I have feelings for you, Maura. Damn it let me be clear. I know how confusing live people can be for you. I am in love with you, Maura Isles." She watched my face for a reaction.

I didn't hesitate. I closed the small distance between us, put my hands on the side of her face and our lips met. What started out as a tentative, probing kiss quickly grew heated. We stood there for several minutes, our arms, lips and bodies mashed together. When we pulled apart we stood looking at each other. Then we were in each other's arms again.

I thought I'd lead Jane into her own bedroom and make love to her but she resisted. This time a shy smile graced her face and I understood. We took it slow, getting to know each other in a new, more intimate way. The first time I made love to Jane I knew I could never love anyone else the same way. We belonged together, two halves of the same whole. I loved Jane Rizzoli completely and totally. Then came the morning she shot my biological father and I blamed her. Our lives unraveled.

Here I stood, in the bedroom of my hotel suite, once again completely alone. I wanted Jane back. I didn't know how I was going to communicate with her if she was going to continue running away from me.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

10

I sat outside of Maura's hotel, waiting for Frankie to pick me up. I already regretted running away. After twenty minutes I knew Frankie wasn't coming. I dialed his number.

"It's okay, Frankie. I'm not leaving; in fact I'm going back upstairs to wait for Maura. We need to talk."

"About time you came to your senses, Jane. You love that girl."

"Loved, Frankie."

"Uh huh. I'll believe that when hell freezes over."

"Why are you protecting Maura, anyway? You still have feelings for her or what?"

"No, I don't want to see you live only half of your life, Jane. You won't be happy alone or with anyone else. I think you need to talk with Maura and iron out your issues. She loves you, Jane."

"Maura tell you that?" Frankie chuckled.

"Wake up, knucklehead. Maura told the whole world how much she loves you by not telling the hospital to piss off when they notified her of your injuries."

"Yeah, there is that."

"Yes, there is, Jane. Go get your girl."

We ended the call and I reluctantly moved my bags back upstairs. I hated confrontation which is why I'm so good at running away. I also hate to admit when Frankie is right and I am wrong. He is correct in this situation: I don't want to lose Maura and acting like a two year old and throwing a temper tantrum is the best way to lose her forever.

I dropped my bags inside my bedroom and went into the living area of the suite. Like I used to do at home I grabbed the remote and began channel surfing. Luckily for me the Red Sox were playing a doubleheader due to a rain makeup and I got lost in watching my beloved Sox. The only thing missing from years passed was a cold beer (on a coaster) and Maura falling asleep with her head on my shoulder.

As if in memory my right arm started to ache. I swore. I was too comfortable to want to get up and move and my pain medication was still packed away. I waited for a commercial and went in to get my pain pills. Just as I downed two of them with water from the bathroom spigot I heard the front door of the suite open. I tensed up immediately. I returned to the living area.

I watched Maura walk in, kick off her heels and glance at the television set. I noted the look of surprise on her face as she realized a Red Sox game was playing. Therefore, her big brain was telling her, I was still in residence. A small smile played on my lips. This was probably one of the few times I managed to surprise Maura.

"Hi," I said shyly.

"You're here," Maura replied.

"Yes," I said and sat back down on the sofa. I turned off the game and patted the sofa next to me.

"You didn't run," Maura said, sitting down.

"Yes, I did, but I came to my senses and came back up a little bit ago." Maura nodded her head.

"What made you return?"

"We need to talk," I said and watched Maura's face closely for her reaction. It was her turn to tense up a bit.

"I'm sorry, Maura, I shouldn't have acted like a two year old."

"Thank you, Jane. I was a little surprised by that, I must admit."

"I'm not giving an excuse for it, Maura, after what you've done for me, taking me in like this because I needed someone to care for me, even after we've been apart, I should have been grateful and I wasn't. I acted like a sullen teenager on the way home from the hospital and then a two year old. You don't deserve that."

Maura looked down, her hands clasped in her lap. I know in times past I would have grabbed her hand by now and held it in mine as we talked.

"I don't know what I deserve, Jane. I hurt you deeply and you're the one person I never thought I'd hurt," Maura spoke in a low tone of voice. She barely glanced at me.

"We've hurt each other, Maura. I shot Paddy Doyle and although I was cleared of wrongdoing in the actual shooting I betrayed you."

"No, Jane, you didn't," Maura started to speak then stopped. "I'm grateful to be able to say this to you. You shot Paddy because he shot a federal agent and would have shot you, Frost or both of you if it meant he could escape that warehouse without capture. I was selfish, expecting you to think of my needs at a time like that. I am so sorry, Jane. I never wanted to hurt you. I don't know what I can do to make it up to you."

I'd like to say I sat there and accepted her apology and took Maura in my arms, but I can't, because I didn't. I forgave her for hurting me, yes, but I stopped there. In all my years of dating, between the girls I had crushes on and knew couldn't or wouldn't reciprocate the feelings and boys I dated to cover my attraction to women, I had never been hurt like this. No one ever came close to doing as much damage as Maura did in those months after Doyle's shooting.

But I wanted to keep talking, see how much of our anger we could talk through. "What made you change your mind, Maura?"

"I saw the article in the San Francisco papers about your sentencing, Jane, and it occurred to me I was the one responsible for all the damage. I should have gone straight to Cavanaugh when we found out about Doyle being my biological father, Jane and I didn't."

"We needed to protect you, Maura. You were next on the list of rival mob boss' targets."

"Yes, for awhile, Jane. When Tommy O'Rourke died I wasn't in any danger and I should have gone then."

"Shoulda, coulda, woulda," I joked.

"Didn't," Maura finished the saying. Tears began rolling down her cheeks. I reached out and patted her shoulder.

"Don't beat yourself up over this, Maura. Someone was going to go down for that and I was the better of the two of us at surviving prison." Maura shuddered in reaction to my words.

"See?" I said. "Even you know you couldn't survive wearing an orange jumpsuit."

"Don't make me laugh, Jane, this is a serious subject."

"It's over now, Maura."

"No, Jane, it isn't. We can't turn back the clock and go back to our lives here in Boston because you've been paroled."

I sat for a moment. "No, that's true, I can't. I'm destined to be a pizza waitress for the rest of my life. I hope the tips are good."

We sat there for awhile, neither of us speaking. Maura still didn't meet my eyes. I felt better for talking and not running. Maybe I was growing up after all. Sorry, Ma, I thought. My maturity came after you departed this planet.

"I want you back, Jane. I want us to be lovers again." I knew this was coming eventually.

"I don't know, Maura."

"Do you have any feelings for me, Jane?"

Ah, the 64 million dollar question hung in the air between us. I couldn't answer it. Yes, I had feelings for Maura Isles. Despite all that had happened in the last couple of years, as I admitted before, I still loved Maura. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her, kiss her lips, take her to bed and prove my love to her.

"I am grateful you've been in my life, Maura, but I don't see us having a future." With her shoulders slumped Maura stood.

"When you're able to go home, Jane, I will return to San Francisco." She walked unsteadily toward her own bedroom and shut the door with a finality that reverberated through my brain.

I curled up on the couch and waited for the tears to start. I didn't have to wait long. What had I just done? Why couldn't I tell Maura yes, that we had a future and we could work on the relationship together?

I wish I had an answer for myself.

I awakened to my cell phone ringing. Frankie was calling. "Yeah, Frankie what's up?"

"How did it go?" he asked.

"What made you think I talked to her, Frankie?"

"By the fact that you're still inside her suite and not sitting on the sidewalk, sulking."

"Good one."

"Did you make up?"

"Not entirely. We talked and forgave each other for past transgressions but that's about it."

"You mean I'm not interrupting some big romantic moment for the two of you?"

"No."

"Ah, Jane, come on. You're supposed to be setting a good example for me. Wait, did Maura tell you off or say she doesn't want to get back together?'

"It was me, Frankie. I told Maura we had no future together."

"You really are a knucklehead, you know that Jane?"

"No, Frankie, I'm protecting myself."

"She apologized, Jane and you accepted it. Now put your big girl panties on and go in there and tell Maura you love her."

"I left my big girl panties in prison, Frankie."

"No, you didn't." Frankie sighed. "I'm getting off here, Jane. I'm going to the ball game tonight. You go talk to Maura."

"I did that Frankie. We're good."

"No, you're not. I'm surprised she hasn't decided to run back to San Francisco."

"She said she'd be returning there when I'm able to go back to my place."

"There you go. Stop her Jane before she gets to the airport-or packs her bags."

"Frankie I'm not good at long-distance relationships."

"Maybe you don't have to be," Maura said from the doorway. I clicked off the phone.

"God, Maura, you startled me."

"I'm sorry." Maura smiled ruefully. "Today seems to be my day for saying sorry."

She sat back down beside me, automatically taking my legs in her lap and rubbing them like she used to.

"At some point Jane you'll be released from parole and you can join me."

"My home is Boston, Maura, you know that. Frankie's here, Tommy's floating around here somewhere and might come see me when he gets over being mad at me, Ma's buried here. I'm not leaving." Maura nodded.

"Well then maybe I'll move back to Boston."

"You'd do that for me?"

"I love you, Jane, I'd do anything for you."

"I thought you enjoyed being a medical examiner."

"I do, but not as much as I love you. Maybe I'd enjoy being a stay at home wife with children."

"Whoa, slow down a little. We're not back together yet and you're at home with children?"

"I wanted to give you a little perspective Jane." Maura moved closer to me. "I don't know why you're rejecting a future with me, Jane. I think you still love me. I want you in my life, Jane." Maura was whispering now and my eyes were glued to her face. She was saying everything I wanted to hear. Could I admit my feelings? We sat there, face to face. Maura stood up.

"I'm exhausted, Jane. I assisted BPD on a difficult autopsy and I need to rest. I'll see you in the morning." Maura headed for her bedroom.

"What kind of case?" I asked automatically then shook my head.

"No, don't answer that. I'm not in homicide anymore."

"Wasn't a homicide. Turns out the dead man had an allergic reaction to a spider bite. All of the common symptoms were there but the m.e. couldn't seem to accept that was all. We did the autopsy together, filed the report and examined all of the lab work and tissue samples."

"I'm glad you were able to help, Maura. Good night." I turned the television back on. The Sox were finishing up an 8-3 win over the Yankees.

I heard Maura's door shut a little softer this time and for some reason that comforted me. I thought over our conversation from beginning to end. I'm not a homicide detective anymore, I remembered saying to Maura. It was as if a tsunami of emotions flooded me and I sat there on the sofa, sobbing. I wasn't the Jane Rizzoli Maura once knew and loved. Finally it clicked in place. Was I enough for Maura, now? Could she love a pizza waitress like she once loved a badass homicide detective? Did I dare ask her and find out?

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

11.

I never knew why Jane loved me. I've been told I'm a beautiful woman but I never believed beauty was enough, not in my situation. Otherwise I just have money and Jane isn't one to covet someone else's money. If anything she'd run from me because of my money. Jane comes from a working class Italian background, very proud of their position in Boston's history of ironworkers and other skilled craftsmen.

Jane told me, often, how much she loved me. It took a long time for me to believe her. I wonder now if that might not have played a role in my turning her away. If I never really believed Jane could love me, then I understood how she betrayed my chance to learn of my biological mother's identity when she killed Paddy. If not this, then why did I walk away?

I'm not good at emotions. Or people. I can't understand why they feel a certain way nor do I know how to help them. The dead are a different matter entirely. I speak for them in finding out how they died. I give this information to Frost or Jane and they take it from there. I am most comfortable dressed in my scrubs and clogs, in my morgue, elbow deep in someone's chest. When I go home after a long day the fatigue I feel carries a sense of satisfaction in it. I know I did my best for someone who left this earth in a questionable manner. Aside from all that I am a simple woman. I read newspapers and medical journals, watch documentaries about subjects I am interested in and go about my life, albeit with the idea that I am a little different from everyone else. I chalk it up to being adopted and having a craving about my true identity.

Jane understood this, or so I thought. When we first became friends we went to the Dirty Robber or watched movies together on Friday nights. We had an implicit understanding that Saturday nights were for dates, if either of us had one, and if not, we spent those evenings together, too. We ended up spending most weekends together but never really discussed why.

It was during one particularly trying case we had our first argument. Garrett Fairfield murdered his older half brother Adam and I tried to please everyone. It didn't help that I dated Garrett in college and believed myself in love with him. As I later told Jane, "I was twenty. Everything felt serious then."

Jane's insecurities surfaced. This was the Fairfield family, old Boston money and prominent in the community. The governor requested the autopsy reports and I sped up the timeframe for getting everything done. Jane called me on it. I defended myself, citing the governor's request, so I was at work on a Sunday. Jane snapped back and accused me, in a polite manner, of kissing ass.

"Why are you here, Maura?" she asked me.

"Catching bad guys, same as you, Jane." I was hurt. Like I said emotions are my weak point and I never know how to defuse a situation when someone brings feelings out and uses them.

"I need this job, Maura, you don't. Why don't you go to one of your charity soirees and sip hundred dollar glasses of champagne and smoke wadded up rolls of hundreds?" Her comment hurt me deeply. I tried to downplay it. Jane had a deep distrust of moneyed people and I saw that when we went to the Fairfield estate when Adam's body washed ashore. Frost was uncomfortable with the manifest from the Mayflower; Jane was uncomfortable with all of the money signs signaling in her brain when she walked through the front door. And, my admission that I used to date Garret and had been a part of the Fairfield lifestyle was not lost on Jane. All of these emotions I compartmentalized under "why Jane could never love me" and tried to concentrate on my job and being satisfied with only friendship with Jane.

I hated when I felt this way; I've never been one to give in to self-pity. I grew up an adopted child in a very cold home. My parents loved me on some level, they were older and had their own lives to lead. I'm seemed to be in the way. I grew up with nannies and boarding schools where I was an outsider. I thought I wasn't worthy of being loved.

I learned to drown my sorrows in my studies. I had a natural curiosity and love of learning. Early on I knew medical school was my destination. The fact that I decided on forensics and being a coroner took everyone I knew by surprise. It led to Garrett deciding I wasn't part of his future. I learned how to be alone and ignored the feelings of isolation.

Then I met Jane and we became friends. I had same sex relationships before and the minute I laid eyes on Jane Rizzoli I knew I could have feelings for her. Thinking she was completely straight I tried not to let her catch my eyes wandering over her body when we enjoyed our Friday night movies and pizza together and she fell asleep on the sofa. I never let on that I guided her head onto my shoulder so I could feel her skin against mine, I never admitted I watched through half-open eyelids when she changed into her sleep shorts and tank top for our sleepovers. I couldn't lose Jane. She had to be in my life on some level.

Then came the evening she admitted her feelings. Our lips came together and while my heart hammered in my chest my brain screamed at me this was a mistake. Jane would come to her senses, realize she kissed another woman and run away from me. The rejection would be complete. Our friendship would be done and I'd be alone.

Strangely, when that happened it occurred by my hand. And when I realized the depth of the hurt I'd caused and the damage done I couldn't undo it. It wasn't because I didn't love Jane, it was because I was so paralyzed emotionally it was as if I couldn't move. Time widened the rift. I moved to the west coast, unable to do anything except work.

Now Jane was in the other half of the hotel suite I rented. I wanted to run in, hold her, kiss her, run my fingers through her hair and call her "baby." I could no longer go back to living an isolated life. Jane Rizzoli opened up a part of me that would not go back into a box. I wanted her in my life again, on all levels.

I'd give a pound of flesh and every drop of blood in my body to make Jane understand I'd never hurt her again. Just one question remained: did Jane still love me? I doubted she did. I didn't blame her. The way I felt right now I didn't love myself anymore either. With tears running down my cheeks I stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling. My eyes started to close in sleep when I heard a throat clear in my bedroom doorway.

TBC I am so sorry for delaying this chapter but Maura kept her emotions well hidden, even from me. This chapter would not set up but I think I finally got it. Oh well. Please enjoy!


	12. Chapter 12

12

Sleep eluded me. I knew why, the only woman I loved was in the other room and I was in the wrong bedroom. Damn you, Frankie, I thought. You told me to go get my girl. I can't. She'll hurt me or reject me again. I can't risk that. My sense of self is too fragile right now. I sighed again. Maura taught me well, she may have a problem with understanding other people's emotions but she has me in tune with mine.

Maybe counting ceiling tiles would help. I wanted to laugh at that but was afraid I might start to cry instead. I came back for a reason. At least we can talk, right? I got out of bed and started for Maura's room.

Wait, wait, wait my head screamed. I stopped halfway to her room. If Maura wants me so much why isn't she coming to me? Why am I going to her? I went back to my room. The minute I crawled back under the blankets I threw them off again. Damn it, Jane, I told myself, it doesn't matter who goes to who first. (Yes, I heard Maura's correction of "whom" in the back of my mind). I want to know if she really loves me. My head down, I went back up the hallway and didn't stop until I got to the doorway of her room.

The minute I stopped I knew she was crying. Call it intuition but every movement Maura makes I catch. I know when she's happy, sad, crying, you name it but I always know. She's the quietest crier I've ever heard. She makes little hiccupping sounds when she cries and her shoulders shake a bit. It only serves to remind me how beautiful, petite and womanly she really is.

"Why are you crying, M?" I asked. I spoke softly. She opened her eyes and looked at me, hiccupping again.

"Jane," she said.

"I'm here." I stayed in the doorway. I didn't trust myself to go in any further, at least not until some ground rules were set down.

"I love you," Maura said.

"I know."

"I mean it."

"I know you believe that."

"That hurts," she said ruefully and laughed a bit. "I don't blame you, Jane. If I could I'd go back and change things."

"You hurt me quite deeply, Maura. I can't seem to get past that."

"I've never been good at emotions, Jane, please bear with me. I wanted to go to you right after Paddy died and tell you I still loved you and understood why you shot him."

"But you didn't."

"No, I didn't. And as days went by I felt paralyzed. It was as if I didn't fathom everything that was happening. When IA interviewed me about our relationship and when I knew Paddy Doyle was my biological father it hit me hard. I understood quite suddenly how serious all of this was."

"Then I was arrested, Maura, you sold your house and fled to the other side of the country."

"Yes. All along I knew you shouldn't be the one going to prison, Jane."

"We discussed this, Maura."

"I know Jane. I want you to understand, deep down I'll never hurt you again."

"Yes, Maura, you will," I said reluctantly. "People hurt the ones they love the most."

"I think that hurt is magnified because it's someone they love, not just the hurt itself."

"Whatever, Maura, that doesn't matter. How do we move forward?"

Maura was silent for a moment. "I think that's up to you, Jane. What can I do for you that will prove I mean what I say? I love you, I want you back."

"I'm not a detective anymore, Maura. I work in a pizza place."

"You're still Jane."

"Am I?" I asked softly. "Am I still the Jane Rizzoli you met and fell in love with?"

"Yes." Maura answered as if she knew the least amount of hesitation in her voice might hurt me again. It would; it would have told me she needed to think about her love for me, reconsider it given our current circumstances.

"Let me know?" she asked. I nodded my head. I moved away from her door, to go back to bed and try sleep again. I turned back slightly.

"I love you, Maura," I said and went back to bed.

We must have fallen asleep at some point because before I knew it I was waking up. I heard Maura moving around the living area of her suite. I pulled on the complimentary bathrobe hanging on a hook and joined her.

"Good morning." The smile Maura gave me reminded me of our days together. Sometimes I would do anything for that smile. I grabbed a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Morning," I said and sat down on the other side of the table. Maura handed me the sports section.

"I see the Red Sox are having some difficulties this season," she said. I waved my hands at her.

"I don't discuss the Sox on an empty stomach, Maur," I said as I accepted the newspaper from her. I skimmed the headlines and set it aside.

"About last night," I said. I had Maura's immediate attention.

"Yes?"

"I'd like breakfast in bed every morning for a year, season seat box seats to the Red Sox for the rest of my life and an option for box seats to the Celtics." I watched Maura's face.

"At the very least, Jane," she said. I threw my head back and laughed.

"I'm joking, Maura."

"I'm not, I like giving you gifts." She reached out for my hand and covered it with her own.

"I understand it's customary to give gifts when you, well you know."

"Fuck up?"

"Jane!" Maura admonished then stopped. "Yes, I did. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, Jane. I'll never be able to make it up to you. Is that okay? I'll love you every day for the rest of my life but can you forgive me enough to love me in return?"

I studied her face then looked down at our hands clasped together.

"Shall we take this one day at a time?" Maura nodded.

"I'll get started on your gifts, Jane." Maura stood up to get dressed. Her robe slipped just a bit and I got a glimpse of the body I'd been missing every night for the past year and a half. I opened my mouth to remind her I was joking but closed it. Having box seats for the Sox couldn't be all bad, could it?

I sat there, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, humming to myself. I might get used to this. Having Maura back would be nice. I caught myself then, warning myself to be careful. I thought I knew Maura before. If anyone had asked me, hypothetically, if Maura could do this to someone she purported to love I'd have punched their lights out for even asking the question. Living through it had been a nightmare. Instinctively I knew I couldn't live through it again.

Maura came back into the living area and stopped by my chair, leaving a kiss on the top of my head. "I have a couple of errands to run, Jane. I'll be back by this afternoon."

"Going shopping Maur?" I teased.

"Yes, that is part of it." She headed to the door. "I already ordered your Red Sox tickets, Jane. You'll have the box next to the owner's suite." With that Maura walked out the door. I sat there, stunned. Fortunately she'd left or I might otherwise have interrupted her schedule by sweeping her off her feet and taking her to bed. I forced myself to resume reading.

After several minutes of rustling the paper, my excitement over the box seats mounting, I couldn't sit any longer. I got up, showered, dressed and decided to make my way downtown. I felt better than I had and seemed to have extra energy.

The area hadn't changed. The diner was still there so I went in and ordered a cup of coffee. I sat at the counter and glanced around. It still seemed to be the same mix of truckers, bus drivers, secretaries and messenger boys having breakfast before work. The landscape hadn't changed but I had. I was no longer Detective Rizzoli. I signaled to the waitress I was ready to order. She gave me a harsh look.

"Sorry coffee is all we pour for ex-cons." I couldn't believe my ears. This was the same waitress that served Maura and I numerous times when we were dating. Always so sweet and nice, ready to bring an extra side order of potatoes if I'd worked a long day on a case.

"Excuse me?" Maybe I didn't hear her correctly.

"We don't serve ex-cons here." No, I heard her correctly. I dropped money on the counter and left without a word. Heaviness settled over my heart. She was right; I was an ex convict. I'd never be anything else.

I continued to walk the streets awhile longer but everything looked harsh, raw. The beat cops walking the streets seemed to stare at me a little longer. I'm sure they knew who I was since I'd been a detective. The pain in my chest went from an ache to a throb. My chest felt as if it were on fire. I returned to Maura's hotel suite.

She wasn't back yet. I took two pain pills and went to bed. Lying there staring at the ceiling I wondered if anything might change in the future. Who are you kidding? You went to prison. People don't forgive that and they sure don't forget. You'll be a waitress for the rest of your life. Then you'll retire, collect your Social Security and live out the rest of your days in a small one room apartment, counting pennies at the end of the month. I choked back a sob as I felt the pills take effect and my chest pain ease. I fell asleep.

_Sitting at my desk the mound of paperwork seemed to grow. Restricted to desk duty until the outcome of the Internal Affairs investigation my days grew longer. Maura resigned her position and put her-our- house up for sale. I was reeling. My life was unraveling. Suddenly several plainclothes officers from IA swarmed the bullpen._

_ "Detective Rizzoli, you are under arrest for obstruction of justice. Please stand, hand over your service weapon and badge and place your hands behind your back." I did as I was told. But suddenly Maura was there, in the corner, coming off the elevator. She watched all of it in silence, her eyes accusing. My eyes held hers as the handcuffs snapped around my wrists and a hand guided me out of the precinct. I continued to watch Maura as I was escorted out of the building, under arrest and in disgrace._

I struggled to wake myself up. This nightmare was the same as reality except for one thing: the day I was arrested Maura had already resigned and was busy readying herself for her move across the country. Korsak visited me that evening after my booking took place and told me he himself visited Maura that afternoon.

"So what, Korsak? She blames me for everything." I was in shock. I never expected to be behind bars, captured like a common criminal. I put the bad guys away I wasn't one of them.

But I was. And in my dream Maura's accusing eyes followed me everywhere. She loves me, I reminded myself. She told me so this morning and ordered box seats for next season's Red Sox games to prove it to me. The one thing in life I cherished beyond her and she knew me well enough to want to get it for me.

"It isn't enough," reverberated through my brain. The phrase seemed to bounce off the walls of my head and continue repeating through and through. She won't love you in a few years, when she has a waitress as an escort to her charity parties. Maura thinks she loves you but you're not the same Jane Rizzoli she used to know and love. Your swagger is gone, along with your badge and prestige in this city.

Stifling another sob I knew what I had to do. Get out now before I get in too deep. Being hurt by Maura in another few months or years would hurt even more. Worse, Maura might suffer in silence, with only a few barbs here and there, missed touches, extra time spent at work to avoid evenings at home with me. I didn't want that. Taking a deep breath I pulled my bag out of the closet and packed my clothes once again.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and I make no profit from their use…**

13

I parked and nearly ran into the precinct for my afternoon meeting with Capt. Cavanaugh and Jane's attorney. I hadn't said anything to Jane for fear of disappointing her if we can't overturn her conviction. Both men were in Cavanaugh's office when I arrived and we got down to business shortly after my arrival.

"Jason, as we discussed over the phone Maura and I are interested in getting Jane's conviction overturned and her record expunged of her prison sentence so she can be reinstated as a homicide detective," Sean said. Jason Evans listened intently as Sean spoke. After several minutes of outlining our case Jason thought for a bit then spoke.

"It's a long shot, Sean, Maura, but it can be done. You said there is evidence Internal Affairs ran a bad investigation with crooked cops?"

Sean leaned forward. "We previously suspected one of the IA detectives was bad but our investigation led us to a circle of rogue cops who knew how to skim off the top to pad their own paychecks without causing suspicion. Their scheme was uncovered through a mistake one made when he cashed a check that wasn't his. Unfortunately before we could get enough evidence through surveillance to break them up and make the arrests they closed ranks around themselves and were able to slip through the cracks. As a result Jane's conviction stood and she went to prison."

My heart constricted when I heard Sean say 'Jane's conviction' and 'she went to prison.' I'm beginning to believe I will always feel the same way. But now I needed to concentrate on the conversation.

"Has anything changed?" Jason asked.

"Yes. The one detective we caught, the one who committed check fraud, is ready to sing like a canary. Apparently he has evidence he kept to protect himself."

"Or use as a get out of jail card," Jason interjected.

"Yes, but supposedly it's viable," Sean said. "He's turned it over to his attorney who is negotiating a deal with the DA's office. If this is true we can prove Jane should never have been convicted."

I watched Jason for a moment. He stood to stretch his legs. I glanced at Sean. His face was animated, waiting for Jason's decision. After a few minutes of touring Sean's office and reading all of the citations and diplomas on the walls he turned back.

"I'll file the papers as soon as the DA's office files charges against the rogue cops. But Sean, most of the officers involved in Jane's case need to be charged and have it stick. Any appeals court can still see Jane obstructing justice by protecting Maura."

I fought back tears as I jumped to my feet. "I didn't know Patrick Doyle was my biological father until two years before! I had limited contact with him!"

"I understand Dr. Isles, but the appeals court will look at the facts of the case and no more. We lost many convictions because you continued to represent the medical examiner's office. If you'd recused yourself, even claiming to be sick with flu and sending your next in line, those convictions would have stood up to scrutiny. I don't hold out a lot of hope but I'll try." With that Jason left Sean's office. I dropped back into my chair, my face hidden in my hands. I loved Jane to distraction but I felt frustrated.

"Jane went to prison in my place, Sean. We all know that. We knew it then but no one said anything. I was too numb to think straight at the time."

"Maura, Jane wouldn't have let you go to prison. She's much stronger and as a cop could protect herself better." Sean stood to pat my shoulder.

"She lost everything, Sean, because of me. I have to make that up to her."

"I don't know if that's possible, Maura, but if it is, it's between the two of you. I'm being selfish here Maura. Jane is an excellent detective and I need her. The two detectives we promoted to replace her are no Jane Rizzoli." Sean smiled at me. Numbly I stood up again and shook his hand. I walked out of his office and through the precinct without meeting anyone's eyes. This was all on me.

I stopped at Fenway Park and picked up Jane's suite tickets. In the gift shop I also bought a new cap and jersey, one with David Ortiz's-Big Papi's-number. He's Jane's favorite player. Turning to leave I saw a rack with Boston Red Sox t-shirts on it. Some were pink. Impulsively I grabbed two, one in each of our sizes, and purchased them. I added them to the bag with a smile on my face. I locked the bag in the trunk of my car and headed to the grocery store.

I hate grocery shopping. I don't think I ever told Jane this, she knows I enjoy cooking so I guess she thinks I like doing the shopping. I don't. If anyone ever develops an app that automatically takes inventory of your kitchen stock and replenishes it without my ever having to step foot in another store I'll be grateful. In the meantime it's an errand I strongly dislike.

Since we were in a hotel suite the only items I wished to purchase were a couple of bottles of my favorite wine and a six pack of Jane's favorite beer. I passed the candy counter and couldn't resist the bags of fudge clusters. All items in the cart I headed for the checkout stand. Standing in line I perused the front pages of the tabloids.

One in particular caught my eye. It was a New England centered tabloid and the top headline spoke of Jane's release from prison: "Hero Cop Released from Prison, Becomes Waitress." I grabbed it and turned to the page in question.

If Jane were a celebrity she might have enjoyed a bump in her career from the coverage. It was brutal, in my estimation. Two large pages with a small article and several pictures of Jane in action as a cop and a couple of pictures of us when we were together made up the coverage. Upset by the article I stuffed the tabloid back in the stand when I overheard a couple of women speaking in low tones. Swinging my head slightly to the left I heard the conversation of two women waiting in the checkout line next to me.

"She's still here in Boston, I heard, but the former medical examiner lives on the West Coast."

"Where do you think?"

"San Francisco. Do you think they'll get back together again?"

"I wouldn't, not if I were that cop. She went to prison for protecting the doctor."

"You know what they say about love." One woman giggled.

"Yeah she must have had it bad for the doc, in order to go to prison for a year."

"My hairdresser said she was in the downtown diner this morning when the cop came in for coffee."

"How did she look?"

"The same I guess. We didn't really talk about the cop's appearance because she didn't stay long in the diner."

"No? What happened? Did the doctor come in and wag her little finger?" It was the other woman's turn to laugh. My ears practically itched to make sure I heard every little bit.

"Uh uh. The waitress threw her out, refused to serve her. Told the cop the diner didn't serve ex cons."

Oh no, I thought and sucked in a breath. Bells were ringing in my head like Big Ben on a binge. I scooted out past the checker leaving my items on the counter. I had to get to Jane.

I grabbed my cell phone and called hers. It went straight to voice mail. That didn't surprise me. If Jane was upset about the diner she wouldn't be answering calls. I ran to my car and started it. Another thing I had to make up to Jane. People's perception of her wouldn't change unless she either left Boston or was reinstated as a homicide detective. I knew the latter would be best for Jane. I only hoped we had a shot at it.

I sped to the hotel as fast as I dared. Throwing the key to the valet I hurried up to our suite. Opening the door I called for Jane while my eyes took in the appearance of the suite. Housekeeping had been in to clean. It was pristine and sterile looking. No brunette lounged on the sofa. I ran into her room. Empty. I threw open the closet door and cried out. Empty.

Jane was gone. I collapsed on the bed in tears. Now what was I going to do?

I cried until my eyes threatened to swell shut. I must have fallen asleep by that time because the next I knew it was dark outside. I sat up and looked around the room. Same as before, no Jane. I grabbed my cell phone, no missed calls. Jane where are you?

I went into the living area and grabbed my purse. Pulling out Jason's business card I left him a voice mail. I needed to ask him a question about what might happen if Jane's appeal request was denied, or if the arrests didn't happen the way Sean indicated. Jane couldn't survive her life as a waitress that much I knew. She was built to be a detective. Anything less and Jane's quality of life would be diminished to nothing. Emotionally she'd only be a shell of the woman she could and should be. Leaving a message I immediately dialed Cavanaugh.

"Sean, I'm looking for Jane. She left my hotel suite and I don't know where she's living right now. She also isn't answering her cell. If you hear from her could you please tell her I'd like to speak with her?" I left the message and dialed Frankie's number before I thought it through. I wasn't exactly sure how much of a fan Frankie was for Jane and me to reunite and given light of what I'd just overheard I wasn't looking for a lecture. He answered on the third ring.

"Frankie I can't find Jane."

"She's safe, Maura." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"So she contacted you?"

"Yes, she did," Frankie sounded guarded and noncommittal.

"I want to talk to her, Frankie. May I have her address?" Frankie hesitated for a moment.

"Look, Maura, I hoped you and Jane might get back together. I pushed her toward you earlier but I think I made a mistake. Jane asked me to tell you thank you but she's good with her life right now." I choked back a sob as Frankie ended the call. I threw my cell phone on the sofa.

I had only one way to help Jane now. I dialed Cavanaugh's number again and this time he answered.

"Sean, what if I asked the court to send me to prison in order to expunge Jane's record?" I asked.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

14

I stretched out on Frankie's sofa and tried to take a nap. But the couch wasn't comfortable and I kept turning, trying to find a soft spot. For a brief moment I longed for the sofa that used to be in my old apartment, the one Maura and I spent so many Friday night movie nights on. Not a lump to be felt, no sprung springs to catch in your back, I stopped my monologue right there. Obviously I wasn't going to be sleeping any time soon, particularly not if I'm lying here missing my old sofa.

My cell phone rang. I was tempted to ignore it, certain it was Maura trying to find me but the ringtone was different. It was Korsak's. I picked it up.

"Hey, Vince," I said.

"Turn on your television," he sounded harried.

"What's up?" I looked around for the remote.

"They finally got the bastards."

"Vince, what are you talking about?"

"When you were investigated by IA, Jane, some of the detectives were on the take."

"No shit," I replied. I didn't want to believe it.

"How did they get caught?" I asked.

"One of them turned. It's all on the news," Vince said and hung up. I found the news channel and turned up the volume. One of the reporters had his microphone in Cavanaugh's face.

"Captain, what does this mean for the precinct?"

"It depends on what else comes to light during this investigation. We feel we've only touched the tip of what could be a large scandal. One good thing that could come out of it is Jane Rizzoli's conviction being overturned."

WTF?! I didn't believe my ears. I grabbed the remote and turned up the volume some more. The reporter turned away from Cavanaugh and spoke into the camera.

"Perhaps coinciding with this investigation of the Internal Affairs department, attorney Jason Evans filed paperwork in court today to expunge former Boston Detective Jane Rizzoli's criminal record. As you may remember Detective Rizzoli was convicted of obstruction of justice and served fifteen months in state prison. She was released two weeks ago and is currently recuperating from a gunshot wound when she saved the life of a cashier in a pizza parlor." The reporter grabbed her earpiece and listened for a moment then caught the attention of the evening news anchor.

"Wait, wait, I'm being told someone is approaching the courthouse." The reporter turned back to the courthouse and the cameraman zoomed in on the steps. I couldn't believe what I saw. Maura, accompanied by a somber young woman in a gray suit, climbed the steps of the courthouse. She was accompanied by a uniformed officer.

"Apparently Dr. Maura Isles, former chief medical examiner, is asking a judge to expunge Jane Rizzoli's criminal record. In an unusual move Dr. Isles has asked to take Rizzoli's place in prison."

Oh fuck no. I stood, grabbed Frankie's car keys and shoved my feet into my shoes. Oh fuck no, Maura, you will not do this. I ran out the door and got into Frankie's car.

The courthouse steps were so jammed with people I could not get in. The guards were closing the doors saying their workday was over. I ran to the back of the court but it was equally as mobbed and equally as blocked. I looked around for Maura's rental car but didn't see it. If the woman with her was an attorney they may have used her car. I sat down to regroup.

I was in shock. First, the news that IA had bad cops investigating me. If Maura's news hadn't diverted my attention I might have been inclined to look up one of the IA investigators and punch his lights out. Second, my attorney filed papers on my behalf to drop the criminal charges and make the past two years look like nothing more than a bad dream. I didn't know this was possible or that others wanted this to happen for me. I was familiar with the criminal codes as they pertained to homicides but the wrangling over legal strategy always left me feeling slightly stupid. I didn't completely understand the situation. So instead of sitting here trying to analyze something of which I knew nothing, I got up. One place to find Maura might eventually be her hotel suite. I drove back to her hotel.

If nothing else the irony of always returning to Maura's suite was not lost on me. I kept running and it kept pulling me back. If this turned out badly I knew I'd never again want to see the interior of this hotel. I smiled slightly. As I handed the keys over to the valet I felt like I'd run full tilt into a brick wall.

Holy shit, Maura was asking a judge to let her take my place in prison. Under my dead body, I thought. Maura would have to kill me before I'd let that happen. She was not prison material. This was not her fault.

_It wasn't yours either, _a small voice in the back of my mind spoke up. I know, I know, I answered it. But the justice system wanted someone's hide and I felt guilty for killing Maura's last chance to know her biological mother. So I went to prison.

Stepping off the elevator I knocked on the outer door to her suite. At first no one answered. Maybe Maura hasn't returned yet. I started to walk over to the chair at the end of the hallway, to sit and wait for her to return. I knocked one last time and the door opened slowly.

I looked into Maura's face. "I don't know what possessed you to be stupid enough to ask a judge to put you in prison, Dr. Isles, but if you're successful you'll be tried for murder instead."

Maura opened the door wider. I pushed my way in. "What are you talking about, Jane?"

"You'll have to kill me, Maura. I will not let you go to prison." We were standing inches apart, my face in hers. I felt rage boiling just under the surface of my skin. Maura opened her mouth to say something but turned away from me instead.

"You can't do anything about this, Jane. It's a done deal. I signed the papers in the judge's chambers this evening."

"Fucking unsign them!" I screamed. Maura's shoulders shook a little. I grabbed her, turned her to face me.

"You cannot do this! Several of the IA cops have been found to be dirty, Maura, they'll be able to overturn my conviction now, I'm positive. In fact my attorney filed papers today for that reason."

"I know," Maura said. She dropped down on the sofa. Her eyes on the floor she described the meeting in Cavanaugh's office and Jason's determination to help.

I kneeled in front of her. "Maura, don't you see? Neither of us committed a crime. Yes, I protected you, but you didn't know about Doyle and you never helped any of his mob."

"You went to prison, Jane. I can't forgive myself for allowing you to do that for me." Maura still had her eyes glued to the floor. I grabbed her hands and ducked my face down to meet her eyes.

"Maura, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. I protected you. The political climate at the time being what it was they wanted someone's head."

"You put yours on the chopping block, Jane. For me."

"I was the best option at that time. You can't go to prison, Maura, you won't survive."

"I was stupid for walking away from you, Jane. I love you but I can't seem to prove that to you."

"Sweetie, you just did," I leaned forward and took her face in my hands. I forced her to look at me.

"I love you, Maura," and kissed her lips. Maura leaned into me hungrily and we stayed that way for several minutes. Eventually I stood up and pulled her up next to me.

"Was that woman your attorney?" I asked. Maura nodded her head.

"Call her and tell her you want to withdraw your offer."

"I can't, Jane. I signed papers in the judge's chambers, I told you. I have to report to the state women's prison day after tomorrow."

My heart plunged into my shoes. "We have to find a way to stop this, Maura. No one needs to go to prison for anything. With the scandal over Internal Affairs, Maura, everything should be erased."

I looked down at the woman in my arms. Having Maura in my embrace felt like the most natural thing in the world. I sighed and rested my chin on top of her head. If anything her arms wrapped around me tighter.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you." Maura said in a small voice.

"We love each other, Maura, it's as simple as that. Everything else will work out."

"Will you wait for me, Jane?" Maura pulled back and looked into my eyes.

"Forget that crap, Maura. We'll be together every minute of everyday. You. Are. Not. Going. To. Prison." I looked into her eyes and saw all the love and trust I'd ever need in my lifetime staring back at me.

"Unless, of course, Maura, you have a prison matron fantasy?" I asked and giggled. Maura blushed and pushed me away.

"Jane!" she laughed.

"Much better," I said and pulled her back into my arms. "I know, call the judge himself. I'll call Jason and see what he can do."

We both picked up our phones and started dialing.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

15

"Maura, you can't be serious," Sean said. "You can't erase Jane's prison record by going to prison in her place."

"Maybe I can, maybe I can't, Sean, but I have to try." Sean Cavanaugh seemed just as surprised by my question as I was. As I heard the words coming out of my mouth it seemed like a perfect fit: I could take Jane's punishment for her and the prison system gets the person who should have been imprisoned in the first place.

"Maura, prison is a hard, hard place to be. You might not survive it."

"I have to try, Sean, for Jane. She shouldn't have been there at all and I can't forgive myself for letting her go instead of me."

We ended the call, my mind starting to race ahead and think of how best to do this. I felt a judge could help and I remembered Judge Collins, a member of the Isles Family Foundation. I dialed his office and spoke with his clerk. She took a message, promised to pass it along when Judge Collins returned from court, and dialed another number. Luz Rodriguez, a young woman my family foundation sent to college and law school, was a criminal attorney. I'd ask her advice.

Luz listened to the whole story then asked me to meet her in her office. I hung up the phone and headed for her office.

"This is highly unusual, Dr. Isles. Especially given your stature in this community."

"That stature, as you call it, Luz, is highly suspect now, since I'm Paddy Doyle's daughter."

"Biologically, yes. The court will look more at your upbringing, your influences, your social circle, believing that culture and circumstances outweigh biology. If you knew from an earlier age, say when you graduated high school, then you might have been arrested right along with Detective Rizzoli."

I sat there and watched Luz for a second. She was scrolling through recent cases on her computer. She shook her head.

"I can't find much of anything related to someone in your situation. We can wait for Judge Collins to return your call or we can head over to the courthouse. He's usually out of court about this time of day." I stood.

"Let's go," I said.

The courthouse steps were swarming when we got there. Luz frowned. "Something interesting must be happening, it isn't usually like this."

"I remember when I'd testify in some of the cases of the Irish mob. Security would be tight but you're right, we didn't have many onlookers."

Luz parked her car in back. I started for the steps but Luz called me back. She nodded at a uniformed officer. "Pete here is going to assist us so we get through the crowd." I smiled at Pete. He looked familiar but I didn't ask any questions.

I kept my eyes straightforward, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. I wondered what was going on. I saw a news reporter out of the corner of my eye. I swore I heard her mention Jane's name but I was too far away to be certain.

Judge Collins was indeed in his chambers. He had a cup of tea on his desk and loosened his tie as we sat. He looked directly at me.

"What you're asking to do, Dr. Isles, is highly circumspect. I am aware of the former relationship you had with Detective Rizzoli."

"While I cannot forgive myself for allowing Jane to go to prison in my place, Judge, I am only try to make right of a terrible wrong."

He stirred his tea for a moment. "Your Honor, my client is trying to take care of something very personal for her. Is it possible to ask for minimum security?" Luz asked.

"No," I objected. "If I do this I don't want any special treatment."

"You won't get any from me," Judge Collins said with a stern look. I nodded.

"Thank you, Your Honor," I said. Beside me Luz wore a beaten expression.

"As much as I'd like my client to reconsider this course she seems convinced this is the only way, Your Honor. My office was to fax the paperwork over while we drove in."

"They did, Ms. Rodriguez, it's here on my desk." The judge looked at me once again.

"Dr. Isles, this agreement is binding. It sentences you to six months in state prison in Massachusetts for obstruction of justice and aiding and abetting a known felon. You are giving up your right to appeal this decision, it is binding as of the moment you sign your name. Do you understand?" I nodded. My throat suddenly dry I couldn't speak.

"You are agreeing to this I take it?" he asked and again I nodded. I was about to become my father's daughter after all.

"Maura Isles, you are hereby sentenced to six months in state prison, your medical license is suspended as of now and reinstatement as a medical doctor will not be automatic. You will have to appear before the state board of medicine's disciplinary committee one year after your release." Judge Collins picked up his pen, signed the agreement and shoved the papers across his desk. I took the offered pen, hesitated for only a moment, then signed my name through a shield of tears.

"Thank you, Your Honor," I managed to whisper. Judge Collins smiled thinly.

"You're the first convict to thank me for sending them to prison. This is no picnic, Miss Isles. Please report to the state women's prison day after tomorrow."

We left the Judge's chambers without a word. I went back to my suite. The crowd on the courthouse steps had grown but I still didn't know why. Luz had me by the elbow and guided me to her car. As we passed I thought I saw a woman like Jane sitting on the courthouse steps but since her conviction I thought a courthouse was likely to be the last place Jane might be.

I went back to my hotel. My mind went into practical mode; I needed to close out my bill here and ask my housekeeper to close up my home in San Francisco. I wanted to transfer funds into my checking account, to be available to me upon release. I'd need a way to get home from prison. I poured a glass of wine. Holding it up I realized I'd be drinking that night for the last time in several months.

While making a list of things to do I heard a knock at the door. At first I ignored it, thinking it might be housekeeping or Luz with some last minute paperwork but if it was Luz I needed whatever she had. I opened the door and came face to face with a very pissed Jane Rizzoli. I'd never seen her quite so angry.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she asked me.

"Where have you been Jane? I tried to find you earlier."

"I had a bad dream, Maura and something happened earlier this morning that I couldn't shake. I left."

"I noticed. I heard what happened at the diner today, Jane," I said softly. She sat on the sofa, bent at the waist and staring at the floor.

"You can't go to prison, Maura, you won't survive it," she whispered. A bolt of fear shot through me as I really understood what I'd done. I tamped that fear back down. I didn't want Jane to see it.

"It's a done deal, Jane. I'm to report the day after tomorrow." I was about to ask her to leave, citing my large list of things to get done before that day got here. But I couldn't. Instead I turned away, tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm going to have to get control of my amygdale gland if I'm in prison, I thought. I didn't want to be an unwelcome target for another prisoner.

"Then fucking undo it!" Jane screamed at me. She took me by the shoulders and turned me around to face her. Jane described the situation about the IA cops, their arrest and the subsequent investigation to clear her name. I dropped down on the sofa next to her. Jane stood, trying hard not to pace all over the floor in her anger.

"Jane, you went to prison for me."

"No, Maura, I went because the political climate was clamoring for someone's head and that was mine. I was the best option for prison, Maura, you know that."

"Jane I love you, I can't forgive myself for letting you do this in my place. I don't know what I can do to prove my love to you." She knelt in front of me, peeling my hands off my face so I could see her expression. Oh those chocolate eyes of hers, the ones that knew every inch of me, inside and out. I could drown in those.

"Maura, you just did," Jane said and kissed me. I was so hungry for her kiss I couldn't let go. But after we did it struck me again, what I'd just done in the judge's chambers.

We agreed to try to get this undone. Jane called her attorney and I called Judge Collins again. I didn't have much hope of getting out of this agreement but I'd try.

His clerk practically laughed at me. "Ms. Isles I witnessed your agreement after your signature. Remember when Judge Collins told you it was binding? He meant that."

My heart sunk into my shoes. I thanked her for her help and hung up. I turned around to Jane. I couldn't speak. I shook my head.

She pulled me to her, just like she used to, and held me close. I drank in her scent. I felt like I'd been pulled from the desert and fed the most exquisite elixir known to man. I couldn't get enough of Jane. I pulled back, finally.

"I have to go, Jane. Wait for me?" Jane looked into my eyes and nodded.

"Of course, Maura. I'll visit you every Sunday, bring you all the gossip. The day you're released I'll be there for you."

"I love you, Jane."

"I love you, Maura." Jane grabbed my hand and led me into the bedroom. She kicked the door shut with her foot. "In the meantime we'll make some memories to keep us going."

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

16

I was awakened the moment the sunshine came in the window, falling across the bed. I opened my eyes to see a beautiful woman wrapped in my arms. Given how my bones cracked as I stretched we'd slept that way most of the night. As I moved in the bed Maura woke up.

"Morning, sleepyhead," I grinned. She blinked still sleepy eyes at me, a smile across her face. Instead of replying she leaned up and kissed me hello.

"You wore me out," she mumbled. I laughed.

"That's a good thing, right?" I asked her. She smirked as she tried to settle back into sleep. I threw the covers off both of us.

"No, no, time to get up," I sing-songed. Maura mumbled something I didn't understand and refused to budge. I leaned close to her ear.

"Last day," I said quietly. My heart plunged to my feet as I spoke. Maura quietly got out of bed and headed into the bathroom without meeting my eyes.

I sat on the side of the bed, my hands over my face. Unless a miracle occurred today was Maura's last day of freedom for the next six months, or forever. I had a terrible foreboding that Maura could not survive a stint in prison. I didn't allow my mind to wander over any details. I couldn't handle the thought of her leaving me anyway, whatever the reason.

Maura emerged from the bathroom and dressed quickly. Wearing a pair of black slacks, one of my old Boston PD t-shirts and a jacket she looked at me.

"Are you going like that?" she asked me. I was still nude, still perched on the edge of the bed.

"What? No, Maura, obviously not. Let me take a quick shower. By the way, where are we going?"

"I have a few errands to run, Jane. I want to transfer funds so you'll have access for anything you need; I need to sign some papers in the attorney's office so you can take care of my home in San Francisco, things like that."

"Oh," I said. I looked back at Maura. She was trying to be positive but I saw the stark look hiding in her eyes.

"I thought we might spend the day in bed," I leered. She blushed.

"No time, sweetheart," she said softly. I disappeared into the bathroom. Maura left me more than enough hot water and I relished a chance to give into my fears, if only for a few minutes. Leaning into the stream of water I let go of my emotions and cried. I knew I'd been wanting to for some time but I was hesitant to let my fears show in front of Maura. I wanted to be strong for her. I also wanted to give in to my urge to grab her and run away where no one could find us. The lover in me wanted this very much. The former detective in me knew it wasn't in our best interests, no matter the danger.

Finishing my shower I dried off and put on the clothes Maura put out for me. I've never told her I enjoy her choosing my clothes for fear of being put in a dress too many times to enjoy. Her sense of fashion is impeccable, even for a skinny wild-haired Italian like me. I never cared what was in fashion. I wore what was practical and comfortable for my job. For Maura fashion was vitally important. She always looks like she's about to walk a runway. Checking myself out in the mirror I had to admit, Maura takes care of me in more ways than one. Throwing emotions to the wind I flung open the bathroom door.

"Ready," I said. Maura grabbed her purse and we were off.

The attorney's office was the first stop. I mentioned breakfast on the way out of the hotel but Maura shook her head.

"I'm too keyed up to eat, Jane. We can stop for coffee for you, if you like, but the attorney's office is just up the street. I want to get through his appointment quickly."

Now sitting in his office I realized just how horrid this whole situation really was. The attorney represented the Isles Family Foundation and agreed to assist Maura with her personal matters. He sat back in his chair after explaining the myriad papers in front of Maura requiring her signature. Never looking at me Maura took up the pen, skimmed the paperwork and began signing. For several minutes the only sound in the office was the sound of pen moving across paper.

I cleared my throat. The attorney looked at me. "What's your opinion of this whole matter?" I asked. Maura looked up at me.

"Don't, Jane," she said softly. "What's done is done."

"Not yet, Maura." I looked back at the attorney with raised eyebrows.

"I told Dr. Isles a long time ago that she needed to go to the D.A.'s office and give herself up." I looked at Maura in surprise. "Obviously she didn't take my advice." Maura stared at the papers in front of her. I reached out and took her hand.

"I'm glad she didn't," I replied. Maura's head jerked up and her eyes met mine.

"I don't want you in prison, Maura, not at any time. You know that." Without speaking she returned her attention to signing her life away. After several minutes the attorney accepted the signed papers and turned his attention to me.

"Maura has given you power of attorney over her affairs. You have access to any funds you may need, Ms. Rizzoli, now and in the future. This agreement does not expire. In fact, Maura has designated you as executor and trustee of her estate." I put my hand up.

"Stop, I don't want to hear this." My knees suddenly went weak and I collapsed down on the chair. My breathing became quite shallow. Maura put her hand on the back of my head and urged me to put my head between my knees. I did so. After several minutes of her coaching my head quit swimming and I felt better.

"I don't want to lose you," I whispered. I stood, Maura helping hold me up. I leaned into her. The urge to run was almost overpowering.

"You won't, Jane. I'll be strong for you," Maura whispered back. _It isn't your strength I'm worried about,_ I thought. _It's the reaction of your cellmates when they see you walking in for the first time. _As a detective I knew what a perp walk was and how the others reacted. I had plenty of offers to be someone's girlfriend whether I wanted to be or not. I was able to fend for myself and being placed in protective custody while in prison kept most of the general population away. For Maura it would be quite different. Her beauty alone attracts attention and in prison this would be no different. Only in prison Maura wouldn't be able to fight off any would-be attackers. She'd be at their mercy. I swallowed hard and took her by the hand. We left the attorney's office and walked back to the car. I pulled Maura into another embrace as we stood next to the car.

"I can't let you do this, Maura," I said. I held her so tightly she had to pull back to be able to breathe.

"I shouldn't have let you do this for me, Jane. I'm making it right."

"No, Maura, you're not. I understand your motivation and I appreciate it but it's pretty rough in there. I'm scared for you now and you're not in yet. I don't know how I'll get through the next six months. I'll be petrified for your safety 24/7." We broke apart after several more minutes of holding each other, drinking in the other's scent. I grabbed my phone and dialed Jason, my attorney. Fortunately he was in the office between meetings so his secretary was able to put me through.

"Jason, you need to help Maura avoid a prison sentence," I said by way of greeting.

"I don't know, Jane, from what I heard Judge Collins is strict on this."

"She signed herself in, Jason, but this isn't a hotel stay."

"I know but Maura practically begged Judge Collins to let her do this for you."

"Jason, please," I begged. "Maura won't survive it, you know that. This will become a death sentence." I barely managed to say the words for the lump in my throat. I still had a death grip on Maura with one arm wrapped around her, holding her close.

"We may have a small window of opportunity, Jane. The charges against the IA detectives are strong enough we can ask for a delay in carrying out the sentence, reasoning that if your conviction is tainted there is no conviction for Maura to serve either."

"Great. Can it be done today? Maura is supposed to report to the women's prison first thing tomorrow morning."

"I'll see what I can do, Jane. I'll call you later today." I thanked Jason and hung up. I glanced down at Maura. She stared back at me with those large round hazel eyes, now hopeful. I relayed Jason's end of the call to her and we hugged again. I helped Maura into her seat and ran around to the passenger side.

"Thank you," Maura said. I shook my head.

"Don't thank me yet, Maura, we may not be successful. We can only hope. So where are we going now?"

"The precinct. We have a meeting with Capt. Cavanaugh."

"We do?" I was surprised. She nodded.

"We scheduled the meeting before I was given the date to report to the prison. Sean said we could reschedule but I refused. This meeting is too important to miss."

"What is it, Maura?" I asked but she refused to tell me. As carefully as she always drove Maura got us to the precinct in time for her meeting with Cavanaugh.

She parked toward the back of the lot. I got out of the car with mixed feelings. I didn't expect to ever be here again, despite expecting to live out my life in Boston. Maura walked around the car and took my hand. She squeezed it and we headed for the front steps.

Needless to say we got plenty of looks when we entered. We had to sign in as visitors, a process I still wanted to laugh at. Every cop in this building knew me on sight whether good or bad. And Maura was the former chief medical examiner. We couldn't have gone anywhere in this building without everyone knowing everything in a split second. Affixing our name tags we proceeded to Cavanaugh's office.

We passed the bullpen area but I averted my eyes. I didn't want to look back and remember the good ol' days, as Ma would have said. She was gone, Korsak was retired, Frost working for SFPD, Frankie on leave while he decided if he wanted to continue as a Boston cop. None of my loved ones were here anymore. The building was only a reminder of my distant past.

Cavanaugh stood as we entered. I still felt funny being in the building and being in his office was no different. I felt on guard. I didn't know how to act. I didn't know how Cavanaugh would treat me.

I needn't have worried. He walked over to me and gave me a quick hug. "Hello, Rizzoli, how are you?" he greeted me.

"Fine, thank you, sir. Yourself?" He nodded.

"I'm happy today, Rizzoli, we get to right a wrong," Cavanaugh said and glanced meaningfully at Maura. As he spoke Cavanaugh's office door opened and of all people, the governor of Massachusetts stepped in. He greeted Cavanaugh and looked at me and Maura.

"I don't usually do this in person, but Sean got hold of my trip secretary and found I was due to be in Boston today anyway. I am on a tight schedule however, so let's get this started." The governor reached out to his assistant who put papers in his hand.

"Jane Rizzoli, your conviction of obstruction of justice is overturned and hereby expunged from your record. Dr. Isles your agreement with Judge Collins is also vacated. Since Ms. Rizzoli was wrongly convicted through fraud committed by Internal Affairs your agreement is null and void." The governor shook my hand, Maura's, and Sean's and left the office. My mouth was still hanging open when Cavanaugh caught my attention.

"Raise your right hand, Rizzoli. Do you solemnly swear to serve and protect the citizens of Boston and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to the best of your ability?" I managed to raise my right hand, repeat the words and say, "I do." I caught a glimpse of Maura's face out of the corner of my eye and tears flowed freely, along with a shining expression of love and a grin wider than anything.

"Detective Rizzoli you are hereby restored to full status as a homicide detective for the City of Boston. You're on schedule to start next week so enjoy this one."

"Thank you, Captain," I said through my own tears. I didn't know what to do. I turned around and grabbed Maura in a big hug. Both of our cell phones started ringing at the same time.

"Rizzoli," I said into mine at the same time Maura answered hers, "Isles."

Jason was on my cell, saying Judge Collins' clerk called to tell him Maura was free to ignore her sentence as it no longer existed. The governor's assistant filed the paperwork with the judge's office this morning and Collins had signed off. Maura's call was her attorney telling her the same.

"I can tell both of you ladies I enjoyed hearing you answer your calls like you used to do. In fact, I enjoyed it so much I'd like to ask Dr. Isles if she would rejoin our team as chief medical examiner?" Cavanaugh asked.

"Maura?" I said. This day couldn't get any better, I was convinced. Maura looked from me to Cavanaugh and laughed.

"Yes, of course," she said. We were both back. I was elated.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: These characters belong to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT, not to mention our lovely ladies, Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander. I make no profit from their use and if you beg nicely I might even give them back. Someday. Maybe not. We'll see. **

17

Jane teases me about my lacrimal and amygdale glands acting up quite frequently. As in I have a great tendency to cry at opportune moments. This was one of them. I watched Jane's facial expression change from complete astonishment to one of shining achievement: she raised her right hand, took the oath to protect the citizens of Boston and become reinstated as homicide detective. I couldn't help it; I cried and cried and cried. After a couple of minutes Jane went from teasing me about my crying to just holding me close, concern in her voice as she asked after me. Finally I stopped and was able to look up at her.

"I think I was overwhelmed by all the good things that happened so quickly, Jane. Plus," I added, dropping my voice so only Jane could hear me, "we're back together. Having you in my life makes everything worthwhile." Jane practically crushed our lips together. While we stood there and kissed I had a thought and tucked it away so I wouldn't forget. We both forgot Cavanaugh was in the room (we forgot we were in his office) until he cleared his throat, forcing us apart. Jane looked at Sean sheepishly.

"Sorry, sir," she said. He smiled.

"It's okay, Rizzoli, I understand. You two get out of here and enjoy this next week together. I'll take care of the paperwork with human resources and get a partner assigned for you."

At Sean's mention of Jane's partner I turned back. "Sean, Barry Frost is visiting here because of Jane's injury. I'm sure if you mentioned Jane is coming back you might be able to persuade him to join us." Sean just looked at me. I clamped my mouth and let him get on with the business of running the department. I heard Jane chuckle as we left.

I remembered my earlier idea and told Jane I had a quick errand to run. Dropping her off at the hotel Jane didn't question my destination, only gave me a quick kiss and admonished me to "hurry home soon." I practically shivered at that. The look in her eye told me what she planned to do to me when I returned. I couldn't wait. It was difficult driving at speed limit, knowing what was waiting for my return.

The store was in the middle of one of Boston's most posh shopping districts. I smiled when I heard myself use the word "posh." Another indication of Jane's rubbing off on me. I have a tendency to use more slang around her but I don't mind. I don't want people to think of me as a standoffish snob. Jane opened me up to the possibility of having people in my life, people I enjoy getting to know.

I completed my purchase and headed back to the hotel, a smile on my face. The bag sat tucked in the top of my purse. I shoved it down, not wanting Jane to see it. The color of the bag was telltale, even for a Boston detective who didn't spend more than twenty dollars on any one item.

"Jane?" I called as I entered the suite. There was no answer but I could hear the shower running. I went to the bathroom door and heard the noise. Jane was crying, albeit softly. I kicked off my shoes and went in. I saw her silhouette in the shower door, leaning against the wall, her shoulders heaving. I dropped my clothing on the floor in a very un-Maura like manner and joined Jane.

I put my arms around her, resting my head on her back as I tried to soothe her.

"Everything's back to normal, Jane. Everything's okay. There's no need for tears." After a couple of minutes Jane managed to turn around and pull me into her arms. She rested her head on top of mine.

"That's just it, Maura. Like your tears in Cavanaugh's office everything happened so fast. I thought of Ma, how proud she'd be. It occurred to me that on Monday, when I walk into that precinct, it will be the first time I'll be there without her in the café. Without her anywhere in Boston, other than the graveyard." I kissed Jane softly to let her know I understood how she felt. As I worked to overcome the damage I did to Jane I silently wondered how she dealt with Angela's death. I knew how I reacted; it was as if my own mother had died, because she had. All those years working in Boston and through the years we were together Angela became my mother. I love my mother dearly but Constance Isles never knew how to be a mother to me. I needed a closer relationship with my mother and Angela instinctively knew that, from the beginning. I never forgot one of our very first "mother-daughter" conversations. I'll treasure it always.

_"What about you, Maura? What kind of man do you see yourself with?" Angela asked. We were at the Rizzoli family home shortly after Jane's disastrous blind date setup with Joey Grant. Her question caught me off guard. I wasn't a member of the family so I didn't expect these types of questions from her. I hesitated a bit. I already admitted my feelings for Jane to myself, I just hadn't said anything to Jane yet._

_ "I don't know, Mrs. Rizzoli. Someone kind and caring, I guess." Jane snorted as she drank her beer. _

_ "Call me Angela, Maura. That's a good start, honey, but isn't there more?" Angela looked at me with a closer set to her eyes and I swear she knew. I started to panic._

_ "A nice set of abs I guess," I said. Jane had just lifted her arms above her head to pull down the large steam pot Angela needed for the pasta. Her shirt lifted up with her, exposing her amazing abdominal muscles. I caught the whole show. A flush of desire swept through me when I had a vision of running my hands over those abs while in Jane's arms._

_ Jane laughed, getting me off the hook. "Give Maura a break, Ma. Where's she going to meet a man who's kind, caring, compassionate and built like a rock?" Angela shrugged her shoulders. _

_ "At work, where else? Cops are kind and caring men, that's why they become police officers. They want to help people." Jane snorted again. At this rate she'd consume more beer through her nose than her mouth._

_ "Ma, men become cops because women like men in uniform." Jane stalked out of the kitchen. I turned to Angela. I didn't know what to say._

_ "Somehow I think you've already met your match, Maura," she said. "If you ever need to talk, about anything really, I'm here for you. You're one of us now." I turned and fled into the living room with Jane. How can she know? I wondered. Not too much longer I asked her._

_ "Angela, how did you know about Jane and me so quickly?" Angela shrugged her shoulders and smiled._

_ "It wasn't too difficult, honey. Frankie and Tommy are both handsome and you never once paid either of them any attention. You had eyes only for Jane."_

_ "The prospect of Jane being with another woman didn't bother you?" I asked her. I almost held my breath waiting for her answer. Angela was Catholic and held strong beliefs, I knew. Angela walked over and put her hands on my shoulders._

_ "Honey, the love you and Jane share is very rare. I'd be a fool not to encourage it. I want Jane to be happy in her life. Jobs, careers, can change, but a life partner who loves you wholeheartedly and unconditionally is the best I can ask for Jane. Plus, I get a doctor in the family and one who's a good woman, too." Angela hugged me and added, "don't forget, Maura, I want children." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry._

I continued to hold Jane until the water ran cold. We got out of the shower, dried off and continued to kiss and hold one another. Jane grabbed my hand and led me into my bedroom. As she touched me my body responded eagerly. We made love for hours, then slept. I woke first. Watching my Italian detective sleep so peacefully with her face relaxed I remembered my earlier errand. I slipped out of bed and grabbed the bag. I returned to bed and snuggled next to a now awake Jane.

"Whatcha got?" she asked in her raspy, sleep-filled voice.

"You are so adorable when you first wake up," I said. I couldn't believe we were at this point in our relationship.

"Remember my errand after we left the precinct?" I asked. Jane nodded. I reached into the bag and pulled out a small box. Watching Jane's eyes I opened the box and presented the ring to her. Her eyes grew large.

"Jane Rizzoli, will you marry me?" I asked.

TBC 


	18. Chapter 18

18

I stared at Maura, unsure of what I was seeing. All of my emotions from the day threatened to resurface, just like they did in the shower.

"You want to marry me?" I said dumbly. Maura smiled wider, if that were possible.

"Yes, Jane, I am in love with you, I have always loved you and want you to be my wife."

I cupped Maura's face and kissed her. "Yes," I said. After all the times I thought of this moment (although I expected to be the one proposing), any eloquent thoughts eluded me. My one word answer said it all. Maura slipped the ring on my finger.

"We need to go shopping," I said.

"Somehow I never expected to hear you say we need to shop for something," Maura quipped. She was right; all those years together if we shopped it was usually only for groceries. Any other type and Maura complained of my six year old behavior.

"I need to get you a ring," I explained. Maura leaned into me and we exchanged long soulful kisses for several minutes.

"I can't wait to be your wife," she told me. My heart soared. She wanted me, she really really wanted me.

As if to prove it Maura took me in her arms and took me every way possible. I knew I wasn't going to be walking comfortably for quite some time and realized I didn't care.

We held hands as we walked into the jewelry store. I already warned Maura we might have to look at several stores as I wanted the right cut for her diamond. Maura beamed. However, when I saw the prices, I knew I had a major problem. All I could afford was a simple diamond and not the exquisite ring I knew belonged on Maura's finger. I covered my distress as well as I could. I didn't want to tell Maura about my precarious financial state and I sure as hell didn't want her having to pay for her own engagement ring. When I was a cop I saved money diligently, knowing retirement could sneak up on me at any time. When you're a cop any day you're at work could bring serious disability or death. If disabled I wanted to be able to afford whatever care I needed. State disability benefits don't cover everything, no matter how hard the state tries to fund their first responders disability pension fund.

We looked at several rings but Maura pushed them all away. As she did so I secretly sighed in relief at not having to ask about a layaway plan.

"What about this one?" Maura pointed to a single diamond in a very simple gold band setting. The disappointment on the jeweler's face was telling. He'd sold Maura my ring and probably expected me to buy something equally lavish.

"Single carat, retails for $500," he said in a bored tone of voice. I practically jumped at it then told myself to calm down.

"Maura?" I asked, my arms around her. She looked up at me earnestly.

"It's a beautiful ring, Jane, one I will wear proudly and then put away for our children to enjoy." I couldn't speak for the lump in my throat. God, I don't deserve this woman.

The jeweler completed the transaction, polishing the ring and diamond until it sparkled. I took the ring out of the box and knelt before Maura.

"Maura you are the love of my life. Will you marry me?" I asked. Maura's face shined brightly and her eyes showed all the love I ever wanted.

"Yes, Jane. I can't wait to be your wife," she repeated. I slipped the ring on her finger and we left the shop.

Needless to say we couldn't wait to get home. As soon as the front door closed behind us I felt myself slammed up against it and very eager lips on mine. Before I could think Maura's hands unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. She slipped her hand into my panties and started stroking me.

"I've wanted to do this since we were in the jewelry store. I thought I was going to have to take you in a dressing room in the clothing store next door," she whispered. Soaked, I responded quickly to Maura's touch. I picked Maura up and carried her into our bedroom. I returned the favor, stroking her with my tongue until she screamed herself hoarse.

Maura's head rested on my shoulder, my arms wrapped around her. I could tell Maura was deep in thought because she seemed distant. One hand rubbed circles on my stomach. I debated between asking her what she was thinking and telling her to move her hand lower and get me off again. Her hand can be quite distracting.

"Jane, I've been thinking," Maura said.

"About?"

"Our wedding. I think we should get married tomorrow morning at city hall."

"Maura?" I asked, surprised. She nodded.

"Cavanaugh gave us this week off. I think it's a perfect time to get married and enjoy a honeymoon together before we start work next week."

"You want to get married at city hall, Maura? What about your fantasy wedding you've been planning since the age of five."

"I was five then, Jane. I have the perfect partner, Jane, that's all I need."

"Dress?"

"Yes, Jane, you'll have to get dressed. We can't get married in the nude," Maura deadpanned then we were both laughing. I grabbed the hand that was still making circles on my stomach.

"No, Maura, I meant what about your wedding dress? And you need to stop doing that if you want me to pay attention to you. Or move your hand lower and take care of business."

Maura stilled her hand. Damn. "I have an off-white sheath I can wear, Jane. I want you in a tux."

"Of course you do. Okay. Tomorrow morning then? Shall we call Frankie?"

"As soon as I take care of business, Jane," Maura said. She moved her hand lower while kissing me. It wasn't long before we were engaged in another long session of lovemaking. We couldn't get enough of each other.

Frankie, needless to say, was ecstatic when I called him. Maura called Frost who volunteered to call Korsak. All five of us met at city hall, Maura looking perfectly radiant in her dress. I wore a tux, as she wished. Maura fussed with my tie. I grabbed her hands and held them still.

"Enough, woman, I'm dressed and present at our wedding."

"But Jane you're so beautiful and you look handsome in that tux. Just the way I pictured," Maura whispered. She opened a bag and pinned a boutonniere on my jacket. The clerk called our names.

"Maura Isles, do you promise to honor, love and cherish Jane Rizzoli as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"Jane Rizzoli, do you take Maura as your bride, to honor, love and cherish her till death do you part?"

"I do," I said. I was afraid I'd be so overcome with emotion that I'd squeak my response but my voice rang out.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Massachusetts I pronounce you married," the judge said. He looked at me.

"Kiss your bride, Rizzoli." Oh yeah. I looked at Maura. Her simple off-white sheath was perfect. She turned and handed Frost her bouquet and turned back to me. I pulled her into my arms. We kissed. I pulled back and looked into her eyes with an unspoken promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her for the rest of my life. Her eyes did the same. We turned to the others, hand in hand.

Frankie beamed a smile that could light the world. Korsak was crying. I did a double-take. Korsak cried? "Both of you are daughters to me," Korsak explained hastily. "Of course I'm going to cry." I hugged him.

Frost's eyes were moist. I hugged him too and he handed Maura's bouquet back to her. She refused to take it.

"No, it's for you. Not only to remind you of this day but as a future promise of the woman you'll marry."

We went to an Italian restaurant for a wedding luncheon. Korsak arranged it the day before. The owner was one of his best friends and fishing buddies. The feast they served was unmatched by anyone. Ma would be proud of this, I knew. I felt her with us as the day wore on. All three men gave speeches. Korsak went first. He stood, raised his glass and regarded Maura and I.

"I must admit with everything that's happened recently I didn't expect to be here. But we are and it's a testament to love winning out over all. Congratulations, Jane, Maura. I know you'll love and cherish each other for years." We drank to his toast. Frost was next.

"I too wondered if this day would come. All I can say is, it's about damn time Rizzoli, that you made an honest woman out of Maura." We laughed and drank again. This time it was Frankie's turn.

"We never know what life holds for us. But you two are an inspiration. You've been through the bad and now back to the good. Ma is here in spirit; I know she'd echo Frost's sentiment that it's about time. Welcome to the family, Maura, you're now officially a Rizzoli. Congratulations and much love to both of you." I had tears in my eyes, thinking that this day was here. I was beginning to think it was all a dream.

Finally it was time to leave. We'd each packed a small bag (well, mine was small, Maura's was small for her), and Frankie took us to the airport. We were spending our honeymoon in San Francisco. Maura needed to close up her house, make arrangements to have it sold, and she wanted to show me her favorite places.

"All the more to enjoy them with you, Jane. I often thought of you when I went out at night. Even if I was just walking in the neighborhood, I'd think of what I'd say to you," Maura said. We held hands and talked throughout the flight. I teased her at one point, asking if she wanted to join the mile high club but Maura smiled and shook her head no.

"It's our wedding night, Jane. When we're in our home I want to make love to you not get you off in a bathroom on a plane." Fair enough, I'd wait.

"But maybe on the return flight Sunday we'll indulge in a few mile high fantasies," Maura whispered in my ear. I smiled.

Since the west coast trailed Boston by three hours the sun hadn't quite set when we arrived. The taxi took us right to Maura's home and insisted on unloading our luggage for us. Maura took my hand and led me upstairs.

"Come on, I want you to see this," she said. Grabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses Maura led me out onto the balcony. We toasted the setting sun as we drank a glass of wine. As the sun finally set Maura was on her knees, unzipping my pants.

"I think it's officially our wedding night," she whispered up to me.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

19

I thrilled at Jane's touch. She had ways of making me understand how much she loved me simply by brushing her fingers against my arm. And when she took me completely I felt as if a bubble of love enveloped me and carried me through my day.

Jane was still Jane; nothing changed. We'd made love several times before we married but the commitment heightened every sense of my belonging to her and our feelings were magnified.

I knew the neighbors couldn't see us on the balcony so when the sun set I took Jane's wineglass, set it down near mine and knelt before her. Watching her I undid her belt buckle and unzipped her pants, sliding them down her legs. Jane is a beautiful woman in every aspect of the word and tonight was no exception. I reached up and kissed her mound before darting my tongue over her folds. Jane grasped my head and held me to her. Putting my hand on her inner thigh Jane understood I wanted her to open her legs a bit. She did; I scratched my nails down one thigh and made her moan. Hearing Jane moan made my own juices begin to run.

I stroked her determinedly until her breathing became ragged and her legs jelly. She fought to retain control but I made her give it up. Putting my arms around her back I steadied Jane as her orgasm raced through her. She recovered, reached down to take my hand and pull me up to her. Jane kissed me passionately, almost violently. Her arm swung down behind my knees and Jane carried me to bed.

Over the years Jane and I made love many, many times, but not like this. It was gentle and loving, violent and taking, scratches and bite marks left on both bodies. We were each other's now and forever.

I'd like to say we became a pair of tourists, traveling the city, riding cable cars, but we weren't. From the first night it was given we'd stay in bed, explore each other's bodies all over again. We were like a thirst for whom the other was the only salvation. On Saturday I insisted we get out of bed and go to dinner at the Mark-St. Mark's Hotel and one of the best restaurants in the world. Jane looked mischievious as she agreed to behave herself. I didn't take her seriously. It's good I didn't. We were asked to leave.

St. Mark's-the Mark as it's called by those in the know-has a few private booths with curtains to shield some from the curious. I reserved one and Jane took me when we sat down. My orgasm was so violent I almost screamed her name. The maitre d' practically yelled at us when he showed us the wine list. My face burned with shame but also with a delighted grin. Jane was in control before, before we married, but not like this. Jane just looked up at him with my juices on her face and calmly explained we'd just gotten married. He didn't care, obviously. Jane looked back at me with the same facial expression.

"He doesn't believe in love, Maura," she said calmly and then we were both shrieking with laughter. The maitre d' pulled the curtain back and suggested we might find the diner across the street more to our liking. I hastily pulled money out of my purse and threw it in his hand as Jane took mine and led me out of the Mark.

"I guess we won't be enjoying our anniversary dinner there next year," Jane said as we stood on the sidewalk. The traffic was light and I noticed the diner was still open.

"Come on," I yelled and we jaywalked. Indeed, the diner was more to our liking. It reminded me so much of home. Even the waitress looked familiar. She took our order of chicken fried steak and eggs for Jane with extra home fries and a salad for me. Jane leered at me when the waitress left to go put in our order.

"You're going to need to eat more, Maura, for strength. You know." Jane wiggled her eyebrows at me. I collapsed in laughter.

"How was the opera this evening, ladies?" an elderly man asked as he passed our booth. We were a bit overdressed, seeing as how we expected to dine at the Mark.

"Just fine, thank you sir, although the tenor seems to be losing it," Jane answered without missing a beat. I couldn't breathe for laughing.

"Such a shame, she's so young," Jane said to me, continuing the comedy and the laughter rolled through me again. Tears were running down my face, I was laughing so hard.

"Jane, cut it out," I gasped. "I won't be able to eat for laughing."

"Well that's serious," Jane said. "If you can't eat how can I expect to have an orgasm?" she asked just as the waitress started setting our food down in front of us. She looked so startled I reached out to help her, for fear of her dropping our plates. Jane looked up at her and smiled her thanks. I didn't look at anyone; I didn't think I could keep it together.

"You really need to get your mind out of the gutter, Maura," Jane said while tucking into her food. My salad looked good but I waited a minute or two before trying to eat.

"Why Jane if my mind is out of the gutter then my face can't be between your legs, can it?" I asked, seriously. The waitress had returned with Jane's toast and that time she did drop it. Without saying anything she reached down, grabbed the bread and pieces of the plate and returned to her station.

Somehow we managed to finish dinner and Jane and I raced home. I left the waitress an extra large tip and hoped it helped. As soon as we were through the door I was up against the back of the door. Jane pulled up my skirt, did away with my panties and entered me. I wrapped my legs around her waist and enjoyed feeling full of Jane. As promised, sometime later we made it into the bedroom and I brought Jane off with my tongue.

"Your face between my legs, M, it's the sexiest damn thing I've ever seen. I'm wet just thinking about you eating me out."

I smiled. Any time Jane touched me I was wet. Needless to say the next morning we were tired for our flight home. I called the housekeeper and made arrangements for her and her husband to close my home for me. I called the real estate agent who sold me the property and listed the house with her. I took very little from the home. I didn't have any favorite things or knickknacks and the home represented the worst point of my life. With no fond memories of the house it was easy to sell.

Monday morning came bright and early. Jane did her usual cute, "not now" routine, trying to bury her face in the covers when the alarm rang. I got up first, showered and put on the coffee. Jane finally made it into the shower. Same as always she strode into the kitchen, grabbed her favorite mug, filled it with coffee and picked up the keys. Blocking me against the sink with her body Jane had the car keys in one hand, her coffee in the other and captured my lips with hers.

She looked the same as always: blank pantsuit, long-sleeved button down shirt, black boots. The only items missing were her service weapon and badge and we knew Cavanaugh would issue those to her this morning.

"I love you, Jane," I said breathlessly when we broke the kiss. The only reason we ever broke a kiss was because we needed oxygen. Jane looked into my eyes.

"I love you more, Maura. Now let's go to work and catch some bad guys."

We drove together, in silence, watching the traffic. Jane reached over and took my hand, squeezing it as she drove. It seemed the same as always, as if the past year and a half hadn't happened. It did of course, and I might never forgive myself for everything Jane went through, but we were together, married and extremely happy. All else fell away.

Jane walked into the precinct and into a waiting line of cops, uniforms and detectives from all divisions. They applauded her as if she was a returning hero, and she was. Jane beamed. I got teary-eyed, watching her reception. All was forgiven, she was home and one of them.

Cavanaugh was at the end of the line, waiting to shake Jane's hand. She accepted her badge, clipping it to her belt. Her service weapon and holster went on the other hip. Jane looked up and caught my eye and winked. The circle was complete; we were home.

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: These characters belong to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT.**

20

I heard a beeping noise in the background but couldn't place it. I felt tied down. What the hell? Then another voice, a woman's, I didn't know.

"Damn that woman is a bitch. I told her Jane Rizzoli had been comatose for twelve days after being shot and she said very coldly, 'I am not in charge of Jane Rizzoli's medical decisions.' She practically slammed the phone down in my ear."

Another woman's voice: "Yeah, it's too bad. I remember when Ms. Rizzoli was hospitalized here once before they were so lovey-dovey with each other."

The first woman then replied, "Yeah well it ain't that way no more."

What the hell were they talking about? Who was a cold bitch on the phone? I struggled to open my eyes. I groaned a bit.

"Come on, Janie, wake up," Frankie said. I finally managed to open my eyes. He was sitting next to my bed. From the looks of him I'd say he'd been there awhile. I tried to speak but there was a tube in my throat.

"Let me call the nurse, Janie, they'll take care of that for you." The nurse came in, told me to take a deep breath and she pulled the tube out. I started coughing and Frankie poured a glass of cold water for me.

When I finished I handed the glass back to him. "Maura?" I croaked. Where's my wife is what I wanted to say. Frankie looked confused.

"She isn't here, Jane. Maura lives in San Francisco, remember? Or maybe you don't. The doctor said you hit your head pretty badly when you got shot."

I got shot? Maura's in San Francisco? Wait, why is Maura in San Francisco, is she selling her home? I looked at Frankie who misunderstood my confusion.

"You sustained a bad concussion Janie. Some asshole shot you when you tried to break up a robbery attempt at the pizzeria. You fell backward from the gunshot and you hit your head on some supply boxes on the way down."

"Frankie, where's Maura? If she's in San Francisco is she closing up her house?"

"I don't know, Jane. I haven't spoken to Maura in almost two years. Why, has she been in contact with you?"

"Frankie, Maura and I are married. See?" I held up my left hand for him to see the beautiful ring Maura got for me when she proposed. Frankie shook his head. I turned my hand and looked at it, too, wondering why he didn't seem to understand me. But my ring finger was bare. I began frantically searching the hospital bed.

"Frankie, help me please! Maura's going to be so mad at me, she bought me the most beautiful ring you can imagine and I don't want to lose it!" Frankie stared at me in confusion then called the nurse.

"She seems to be a little confused," Frankie said to the nurse.

"I'm not confused Frankie, my wife gave me a beautiful ring when she proposed to me and now it's missing! You have to help me find it!" I begged again. The nurse stepped forward and checked the fluids in my IV. All of a sudden I remembered something Frankie said.

"Wait, Frankie, you said I got shot in the pizzeria. That happened months ago. What happened this time?"

"No, Jane, this is the only time. A couple of guys came in late, they tried to rob the joint and you jumped in front of the cashier, Shelby. You saved her life, by the way. Captain Cavanaugh was here to see you. Said he knew you were the same old Rizzoli."

The nurse adjusted my medicines and I became sleepy. I couldn't seem to grasp what Frankie was explaining to me. My mind became a little more muddled and my eyes were too heavy to keep open anymore.

"Come on, Rizzoli, we caught a case," Frost said, standing up to grab his jacket off the back of his chair and shrug into it. "Ninth and Main Street."

"Has Maura been called?" I asked.

"Dunno, probably. Dispatch called us first, I think."

"Okay, I'll go downstairs and get Maura. I'll ride with her today, Frost," I said. I headed for the elevator as Frost walked outside.

"Maura?" I called as soon as I stepped off the elevator. No answer. The morgue was dark. She must already be at the scene, I thought. I re-entered the elevator and went to join Frost in the parking lot. I caught him just before he was pulling out of the lot. I jumped into the passenger seat and off we went.

The body was that of a young male teenager, approximately twelve or thirteen years old. No outward marks to indicate the cause of death. Frost and I both began scouring the immediate grounds, trying to determine how this young boy came to be dead on the street.

After several minutes I looked up, thinking I heard Maura's voice. Wait, I thought, she left before me. Why isn't she here? I called over to Frost.

"Have you seen Maura, Frost?" He didn't answer me, just gave me a funny look and went back to the search. Shrugging my shoulders, realizing maybe he didn't hear me, I went back to my end of the search.

The body of the young man was picked up by the morgue team and interns. I guess Maura asked them to bring the body to her, preferring to leave the detecting to the detectives. I grinned at my thought. I'll have to tell Maura later, I thought.

Then suddenly Maura was standing in front of me, impeccably dressed in one of her favorite work dresses, a dark blue sleeveless number that had a comfortable skirt. I knew Maura liked wearing it to work because she could hike it up past her hips without it wrinkling. We tried it out in the back bathroom a couple of times when we needed each other and couldn't wait long enough to get home.

The expression on Maura's face was stern, her eyes cold. "Maura?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

"You shot my father, Jane. I can't forgive you for that."

"But you already did, Maura. We're married, see?" I held up my left hand for her to see the ring she gave me. But once again my finger was bare and I began to panic.

"I'm sorry, Maura, I must have taken it off my finger and put it somewhere. I'll find it, I promise."

"I won't forgive you this time, Jane," Maura said then suddenly she wasn't in front of me anymore. My search became frantic. Not only was I searching for clues to a killer but I was looking for my ring.

I woke up with a jolt. It was dark in my hospital bed save for a small nightlight over the back of my bed. I turned my head; Frankie must have left for the night. I was alone. Through a small slit in the curtains I could see it was dark outside as well. I looked around for a clock but I couldn't see one. Where was Maura? Why wasn't she here? And why was Frankie telling me crazy stuff about being shot in the pizzeria? That happened months ago. Maybe Frankie is confused, I told myself. He's been here awhile and is just overtired.

But if that's the case, why is Maura not here and what happened to me this time? Did I get injured in the line of duty? I began to panic. Oh God, Maura, is she okay? Is something wrong and no one's telling me anything?

I found the call button and the nurse came in.

"Can you tell me if my wife is a patient here?" I asked her. This one was new.

"Sure, Ms. Rizzoli, what's her name?"

"It's Detective Rizzoli and her name is Dr. Maura Isles. We've been married only a short time and we haven't decided about our married names yet," I said a little shyly.

"Let me check," the nurse replied and stepped out to the desk. I swung my legs over the side of my bed to see if I could walk. I was pretty shaky and unstable. I managed to take all of two steps before I ended up on the floor. Fortunately I was close enough to the nurse's station so I could call out for help.

Instead I overheard my nurse's voice. "Poor thing that concussion must be worse than originally thought. She thinks she's still a detective and married to Dr. Isles."

A second voice spoke up. "I hope not, for her sake. I can't see anyone wanting to be married to that Dr. Isles. Beverly said when she called her again yesterday morning, to see if the doctor wanted an update on Rizzoli's condition, Dr. Isles very coldly informed Bev that she did not make medical decisions for Jane Rizzoli and she did not wish to be bothered again."

"That's too bad. I remember when Dr. Isles used to come into the hospital on occasion she seemed nice. A little shy, maybe, but she was always nice."

"Maybe you caught her on her one good day."

I listened to the conversation play out. Suddenly Frankie's words came back to me and I remembered everything that happened at the pizza parlor.

_Shelby screamed. I turned my head on instinct and peeked out the kitchen door to the main part of the restaurant. Two men dressed in hoodies and jeans stood at the cash register. "Give me the money, bitch," I heard the one man say. The way he was holding his hand it was unmistakable he had a gun._

_ I moved without thinking. I burst through the door and ran for the register. "No!" I yelled. I almost id'ed myself as a detective and for him to drop his weapon. Shelby screamed again. I jumped forward, flattening my body out and ended up between Shelby and the robber. The gun went off._

_ I felt a hot poker slice through my chest. As I fell to the floor my head bounced off several boxes of supplies left in a corner._

Tears began running down my face. "Nurse," I managed to say. I wanted to scream but couldn't. Nor could I stand. I called the nurse a couple more times and then suddenly two nurses and two men crowded into my room, helping me off the floor and back to bed.

"You had quite a scare, honey, let me check your bandages. Where were you going, to the bathroom?" she asked me. I nodded my head, dumbly. No need to confess I was a complete idiot, acting on my fantasy.

The nurse finished checking me over, pronounced me good as new and started to leave the room.

"Nurse, what day is it today?"

"Friday."

"The date?"

"October 19, 2012. Don't worry honey, the effects of the concussion will heal nicely and you should be back to your old self in no time."

Friday, October 19, 2012. Two weeks after I got shot in a robbery attempt at the pizza parlor. I lifted my hand up again. No ring. This time I knew there was a good reason for it.

Maura and I never married. She's still living in San Francisco and wants nothing to do with me. I am not a detective and never will be again. I am an ex-con working a minimum wage job to survive. I turned my head toward the window and sobbed like a baby. It was only a dream.

The End


	21. Chapter 21

Okay, I seem to have ruffled some feathers by ending the story with Jane realizing it was all a dream while she was comatose. I get that you like happy endings. So, without any further ado, is Part 21-the last chapter.

Thanks to all who read and reviewed.

21

I hung up that last phone call with mixed feelings. I didn't intend to be abrupt with the nurse but I can't do this anymore. Jane is hurt again, shot in a robbery attempt. Jane was trying to play the hero once again, and again, she's paying the price.

I'm lying if I said I don't love Jane anymore. If anything I love her all the more because she tried to save an innocent bystander from serious injury or death. Trying to change things for the better is part of Jane's genetic makeup. Some people have that drive and it's magnified in Jane, particularly since she's a former homicide detective.

I can't do this anymore because I'm afraid I'll lose Jane permanently-she'll get killed helping someone, I'll get a call telling me I'm alone in this world. So when I walked away from Jane after she shot my biological father, I stayed away. Leaving was on my terms.

But the past several nights, after lying awake worrying about Jane and whether or not she'd pull through, I came to the simple conclusion that my life with Jane in it is worth living. My life without Jane isn't worth anything at all.

I phoned Frost this morning when I finally gave up trying to sleep. He works here for SFPD and we both had a few days off coming. He's picking me up and we're flying to Boston to see Jane. I packed in a hurry but this is one time I don't mind.

"Hello, Barry," I said when he pulled up in front of my home. He nodded, dropped my bag into the trunk of his car and held the door for me. He's always a gentleman.

"Any word?" he asked as we pulled out into traffic.

"Nothing further, no."

We arrived at the airport and Barry took care of me and the bags. He must have sensed how disorganized I seem. Now that we are headed to Boston to see Jane my feelings are starting to come out. We passed by a news stand inside the terminal and I wanted to fall apart when I saw the headline on the Boston Globe: "Former hero detective in critical condition." Barry took my elbow and steered me to check-in.

"Stiff upper lip, doc," he whispered in my ear and smiled engagingly. I opened my mouth to tell him you can't stiffen the upper lip, it doesn't have separate facial muscles with which to do that, but I'm tired. I let it go.

The flight was equally quiet. I wanted to sleep and tried but my mind was a whirlwind of remembrances-ending with my screaming at Jane at the warehouse to leave Paddy alone. We separated soon after, my sending Jane packing with as few words as possible. I left Boston not long after that; my realtor sold the house and my ties to the northeast were broken.

I tried to put Jane out of my mind but I was unsuccessful. Working hard as a medical examiner for SFPD helped keep her to the back of my mind and I was at least grateful for that. I haven't dated anyone since I left Boston. At first I was too hurt, then too angry and finally, too numb. I couldn't seem to care about much of anything, anymore.

Barry woke up when the landing announcement was made. We filed off the plane; he grabbed our luggage and hailed a cab. We went straight to the hospital. Barry parked our bags in the security office after identifying himself to the chief. I was already at the nurse's station in the ICU.

"Dr. Maura Isles, inquiring after Jane Rizzoli," I said to the nurse on duty. She raised her eyebrows a bit but didn't say anything.

"Are you family?"

"Yes, we both are," Barry said as he walked up to join me. The nurse looked from one of us to the other then rose.

"Follow me," she said and we did.

I'd like to say the shock of seeing Jane lying in a hospital bed with tubes and wires everywhere was minimal since I've seen her this way before, but it wasn't a small shock. It was huge. I began crying.

Jane turned and opened her eyes. They looked at me, dull and lifeless. I walked over to the bed and took her hand, hoping not to be rejected. She didn't react.

"Jane, we came to see you," I said softly.

"You're not here, Maura, even I know that now," Jane said.

"Yes, Barry and I are both here."

"No, you're not, you're just the medication talking."

I looked at the nurse who sighed and gestured for us to follow her out.

"Do you know what Jane meant?"

"Yes, I do. When she emerged from her coma she overheard a couple of the nurses mentioning your reaction to the phone calls from us asking if you wanted to make medical decisions for Ms. Rizzoli. Apparently she had quite a dream when she was comatose about the two of you. So now she thinks the medication is conjuring you up because she wants to see you."

I cringed when the nurse spoke of my reaction to that phone call. I knew what she meant.

"I'm sorry for my earlier rudeness," I said. The nurse's expression didn't change. As for Jane, I had a lot of making up to do. I returned to her room. I walked back up to her bedside.

"Jane I am here, you're not hallucinating." To my horror Jane began to cry.

"Yes you are a hallucination, M. I know you don't want to see me," she sobbed. I reached over and put my head on her head.

"Do you feel my hand, Jane? I know you do. I'm really here."

Jane's tears subsided somewhat and she looked at me suspiciously. She turned her face back to mine and I leaned down, kissing her forehead. When I straightened back up I noticed Jane's eyes were huge and staring. I smiled.

"Feel that?" I whispered.

"Why are you here? You told the nurses you didn't want to know anything about me," Jane barely managed to whisper back.

"I'm sorry, Jane, I should never have said that. I still love you; it shook me up knowing you were injured again. I tried to stay away to protect my heart."

"How do you know I love you or even care if you're here?"

"Because you wouldn't have reacted this way if you didn't care about me, Jane."

"I don't trust you, Maura."

"I know Jane. I have a lot to make up for."

"It won't be easy, Frankie's mad at you too."

"We can work on our relationship when you're better. For now I just want to sit with you and help take care of you."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Wait, Maura, one thing."

"Yes Jane."

"How do I know you're going to be content to be with me? I'm not a detective anymore."

"You're still the same Jane Rizzoli I fell in love with several years ago, Jane. You haven't changed."

"How do you know that?"

"Because you're here, in the hospital, injured because you tried to save another life even though you're no longer a cop. You're still the same loving, protective Jane Rizzoli I've always known."

"You threw me away, Maura."

"I can't remedy that in a conversation Jane. Are you willing to give me another try and let me make it up to you?"

Jane studied my face for a long moment. "Yes," she said simply. I sat down in the chair by her bed and held her hand as she went to sleep.

The End


End file.
